Matches of the Week #4 – May 28, 2015

Ken Mason v. Jim Wardick –  This match should be a doozy!!   Wardick’s ego is still bruised and battered over the drubbing that he absorbed from Mason way back in week #1 of 2014.  Of course the fact that Wardick was giving Mason  4 strokes at the time hasn’t softened the blow (PS-Wardick still blames the “Statman”, Steve Richtarik, for sacrificing him in that match, but more on that later).  The quiet Mason, who has yet to see his game blossom this year, has stated to other league members that Wardick’s  pronouncements that he s the “long hitter” in the league,  is a joke and has vowed to show the entire league that Wardick is just a “slap hitter” in their long drive competition.  Wardick on the  other hand, has been preparing for this match for a year now.  He has been bulking up for the entire year in order to give him the “fitness” edge in this predictably grueling match.  Wardick has stated that he needs to play angry in order to excel.  In fact, he has been rooming with “Smiling” Joe Molis this past week in order to soak in the angry ambiance.  Prediction – Wardick channels his inner angryman and bounces Mason like a fat lady on a trampoline. 

Bob Moretti  v.  Kevin Lawrence - This match will pit gentleman against gentleman, a rarity in Thong League match annals.  Both Bob and Kevin have excelled in  match play format and have been consistent point earners for their various teams over the years.  Bob and Kevin have also been known to grind out their matches in a very deliberate manner.  Kevin stated that he will not let Bob’s delaying tactics get to him.   Kevin is determined to slow his game down and put this match in the freezer from the 10th hole on.   Kevin was overheard telling another league member that his strategy is to use the “four corners offense”  in order to slow down Bob’s racehorse style of play.   Bob, on the other hand, has vowed to not let Kevin  ”one up” him in their match and will “take his time” before each shot.   For this match, the league has requested that all other league members upon completion of their matches,  park their cars with headlights on, along hole #s 16 through 18 in order to guide Bob and Kevin’s crawl to the clubhouse.  Predicition – Moretti ekes it out in in the dark of night.

The Guinea Slayer Watch – Jim “Guinea Slayer” Hunter is now 3 and 0  in his matches this year against league “Eyetalians”.   He first thumped Paul Volpe in week #1 and then destroyed John Lafazia in week #3.  Upon the completion of that match, Hunter began to tell all within earshot, “I crushed the kid, now bring on his old man!  I am going to kick his ass next!”.   Sure enough, in week #4, Hunter faced off against John’s old man, Vin “Maggott”  LaFazia.  True to his word, Hunter polished off the old man in a close match.  During the next two weeks (match weeks 5 & 6), Hunter has a vacation so to speak, from his “Eyetalian” opponents.  Hunter, who is of English and Scottish descent, among other mongrel things, will first face off in week #5 against rookie, Doug Sherman, also of English and Scottish descent, among other mongrel things.  Sherman has already played in a foursome with Hunter and has been Hunterized.  In fact, during their match, they will probably find out that they are somehow related to each other.  Hunter’s match in week #6 against Steve “Statman” Richtarik should bring a few fireworks.  First off, Hunter gets his panties in a bunch each week  as he thinks the “Statman” is screwing him in the handicap area.  Some of the older league members will recall that when Hunter last played in the league, he had his Dominican posse pay a visit to the Statman’s home and that the visit resulted in an increase in Hunter’s handicap for the rest of the year.  This year however, with the Dominican posse no longer a threat, “Statman” is feeling his oats and has assured all that Hunter will be giving strokes in their match.  Hunter’s next chance to keep his “Guinea Slayer” streak going will be in week #7 against Steve Placella, former league dictator.  More on that later…

Guess Who???

League Member     The first league member to correctly guess which league member is depicted in the photograph will win a sleeve of golf balls!!!

      Hint!!!!!    “Some featutres never change.”



Matches of the Week – Week #1 – The Season Begins this Thursday, April 30, 2015



Two matches scheduled for the 1st week of play stand out among all the rest.  Here they are.

Jim “Guinea Slayer” Hunter  v  Paul Volpe   –  Hunter, whose game has been on ice for a year or so will be taking on the young and affable rookie, Paul Volpe and yes, yet another “Eyetalian”.   Hunter has vowed to put a “hit” on each and every “Eyetalian”  that he faces this year and Paul is the first in his sights.  Word is that the Triggs cart beverage staff has been tripled for Thursday Night play in order to handle the increased demand due to Hunter’s return to play.  Volpe, a physical therapist,   has said that his body is his temple and will be on the straight and narrow during the match.  Here’s betting that Hunter has Paul a bit tipsy by the 4th hole.  Some advice to Paul:  Call your wife and have her waiting to drive you home after the match.    The Editor’s Pick  -  None – too little information to make a pick.


Vin “Maggott” LaFazia  v  Steve “Statman” Richtarik  –  This match will be very interesting.  The aging Lafazia, who has been susceptible to injuries over the past few years, has been honing his game in the Florida warmth over the past 2 weeks and should be in top form.  The “Statman” is already whining about his cough, cold, bronchitis, pneumonia, hemmoroids, whatever, as an excuse.  Lafazia was a bit upset when Richtarik denigrated Vin’s coveted veteran status when Richtarik was heard to say that “LaFazia looks like he was a veteran of 20 years at the all you can eat Home Town Buffet.”    Also, don’t forget that Richtarik is the handicap guru of the league so it is a foregone conclusion that LaFazia will be giving strokes and Richtarik will be happily getting them in this match.  The real question is how many strokes?         Editor’s Pick  - Vin “Maggott” LaFazia. 

Ernie Panos

Ernie PanosHere is a picture of our very own Ernie Panos sporting and styling in the new custom fit 2 button golf shirt with the “Gelly’s Golf School”  logo.  Apparently, Ernie is Bill Gelsomino’s only student at his much maligned golf school.

Question of the week.     Tell us what the golfer depicted  in the logo on Ernie’s shirt is doing and win a sleeve of golf balls.  First correct answer wins.    Hint – Click a few times on the picture to enlarge it.   Note:  Ernie Panos and Bill and Derrick Gelsomino  are ineligible.





The o

Bill Gelsomino welcomes all to the league opening dinner on March 26th

Bill Gelsomino welcomes all to the league opening dinner on March 26th

pening dinner and meeting for the 2015 Thursday Night Triggs Golf League is scheduled for Thursday March 26, 2015 @ 6:30 pm at the Kelly Gazzerro VFW Post, 1418 Plainfield Pike, Cranston, RI.  Please enter through the rear of the building.   At that time, dinner and drinks on the league will be served, teams will be selected and the league format, rules and all stupid questions will be answered.  Please bring your dues in the amount of $160.00 payable to the “Thong League Golf Association” with you to the meeting.  If you have any questions in the interim, please call  (255-3478) or e-mail ( ) Steve Placella.

We now have 32 players committed at this time to play this season.  The league is now full and complete.   REMEMBER!!!   Jim Hunter, the “Guinea Slayer” has returned after negotiating a 1 year contract which included a substantial bonus.

Vin “Maggott” LaFazia. Welcomes you to the meeting.    Bill Gelsomino wii be giving a sand trap lesson at the meeting as well.image


Vin “Maggot” Lafazia

Vin LaFazia continues his wizardry as he notched his 3rd consecutive annual victory at the Highland Woods Golf & Country Club in Bonita Springs, Florida where he an his lovely wife are members.

Vin LaFazia continues his wizardry as he notched his 3rd consecutive annual victory at the Highland Woods Golf & Country Club in Bonita Springs, Florida where he an his lovely wife are members.


Tournament ResultsTournament Skin PoolTournament ScorecardsPlayoff Results:    Dan “Pretty Boy” DeQuattro and his point machine partner, Garry Reilly, cruised to a playoff victory over the beleaguered Al Cotoia.   Due to self appointed playoff commissioner, Bill Gelsomino’s crazy playoff formula, Cotoia was placed at a significant disadvantage in the finals when he had to play without his partner, Rick Guerra.  Cotoia and Guerra who each took back to back two week trips to Italy causing the shorthanded team, were each heard to voice their complaints to Gelsomino  in Italian and with a final one fingered salute hand gesture.  For their playoff victory, each of the victors have won a personalized prize.  “Pretty Boy” has won a year of free electrolosis and waxing at Francesco’s Salon in Johnston, RI.  Francesco has indicated that he will personally apply the hot wax to Dan’s delicate areas.  Garry, on the other hand, in keeping with his long held contention that the Thong League is screwing him is getting an empty envelope for his efforts.


TOURNAMENT  RESULTS:   Johnson’s Johnsons defeat LaFazia’s Lunatics 14 1/2 points to 11 1/2 points.   In a hard fought match at the Alpine Country Club, Bob Johnson led his hard charging band of Johnsons to victory over Vin LaFazia’s Lunatics.    The individual points earned by each player are listed in green.

The Closest to the Pin winners were as follows:   Hole #12 – Slick Wardick;    Hole #6 – Fran Chatelle;    Hole #12 – Jim Meikle;     Hole #15 – Mike Taveras

The Skin Winners were as follows:   Steve Placella – Hole #2 – #5 Hdcp;    Dennis Ryan #15 – #18 Hdcp (only birdie in “B” division)

The Skills Competition Winners were as follows:   60 Yard Shot:  Bob Johnson – hole out;  Longest Drive: Ken Mason – 312 yards;  Putting Contest – Steve Richtarik; Greenside Bunker Shot:  Al Cotoia

The results of the other matches are listed above.

League Regular Season Team Awards:  1st Place Team:  Vin “Maggott” LaFazia & Bob Moretti;    2nd Place Team:  Bill “Swing Change” Gelsomino  &  Andy  “where’s my “A” partner” Constant;  

3rd Place Team:  Steve “Statman” Richtarik  &  George “the Buffalo Hunter” Benjamin

League Regular Season Individual Awards  “A” Division:  1st Place Points:  Ken Mason (71.5); 2nd Place Points:  Bill Gelsomino (69);  3rd Place Points:  Vin Lafazia (66)

League Regular Season Individual Awards  “B”  Division:  1st Place Points:  Andy Constant (73);  2nd Place Points:  George Benjamin (69);  3rd Place Points:  Bob Moretti (68)

League Superlatives:   Best Dressed;  Fran Chatelle;      Perfect Attendance:  Ernie Panos         








The league tournament scheduled for September 7, 2014 has been moved to the Alpine Country Club!!!   Tee Time is 12:30 pm.   Practice rang and putting green are available to our group prior to our round.  Locker room and showers are available as well.

League Skills Competitions will take place immediately after the round.

Dinner consisting of  3 pasta stations, grilled pizza and calamari  will  follow the Skills Competition!!!

DEQUATTRO. and. REILLY  Tag team  AL. COTOIA  and rolled to a playoff finals victory

Playoff Results Week #3

Playoff Results Week 32014 League Tournament Teams Playoff Results Week #3


PLAYOFF  RESULTS   WEEK  1   8.14.2014