Thong League Florida Golf Trip Results

Well, the 16th annual Florida Golf Trip is now in the books.  This year’s designated team names were the “Mostly Dwarfs”  and the “Mostly Giants”.  The selection of the teams was a small bastardization of  Eddie DiMartino’s original, drunken  idea to select the teams by height alone.  Actually this was done where all but three of the “Mostly Dwarfs” were 5’7″  (mostly Italians and Portuguese descent) or under and the mostly giants were taller than 5’8″, except for a couple of  wee ones.

The results were much the same as in the past.  The Dwarfs danced and pranced all over the heavy footed giants and scooted out to a 14 to 4 point lead after the first day of matches.   Later that evening, the beleagured captain of the Giants, Jim “Slick” Wardick, gave his “team” an impassioned speech in order to spur them to victory during the 2nd day of matches.  Unfortunately, the 2nd day was more of the same as the Dwarfs doubled up their lead and moon walked across the 18th green after the 2nd day with an insurmountable 28 to 8 point lead.  Once again that evening, the now maniacal captain “Slick”, now resorted to threatening to physically hurt the under performing members of his “team” if they didn’t perform better  during the 3rd day of matches…  More to follow

The Thong League is Heading to Florida

7   DAYS AND COUNTING …………………………………..   ORLANDO HERE WE COME!!!!

Thong Cup Finale

MASON’S MUTTS EKE OUT A VICTORY IN THURSDAY NIGHT THONG CUP FINALE!!!!!!!

See all the results from the Thursday Night Thong League including the Tournament Match results and the Individual Tournament Results.  Just click to to enlarge

2016 Thong League ResultsTournament Match Results Front 9Tournament Match Results Back 9Tournament Individual Results

Playoff Finals Thursday September 8th

A  Division Finals   

Gus  Delfarno  v  Steve Placella

Joe  Molis  v  Jack Harrington

B  Division Finals

Nick Guadagno  v  Paul Autiello

Note:  Both Bob Maresca and Frank Mariano are unavailable so Nick Guadagno and Paul Autiello will play the only “B” match.

All golfers from our league are welcome to come and play as well on Thursday!!!

Remember!!!  League Tournament on Saturday September 10th at Ct National Golf Club

Tee times begin at 10:40 am; Range balls are free; skills competition after the round; Apps and Dinner after the round at the golf course.  Check this website and click on the “LEAGUE TOURNAMENT”  tab.

By the way, 3 league members, Paul Volpe, Bob Masello and Nick Guadagno are all anxiously awaiting the birth of their first born children.  Let’s all say a prayer for great health for the moms and babies.  Also, Paul Volpe’s clubs are now for sale at a very, very discounted price.  He will no longer have any use for them.  Ditto for Bob Masello who is just giving his away.  Nick Guadagno’s father in law, none other than Paul Autiello, took Nick’s clubs and won’t give them back to him for the next 15 years or so!!  Good luck to all and enjoy fatherhood!!

1st Round Playoff Results (August 25)

A DivisionB Division

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

Congratulations to the team of Ken Mason, Mark Zito, Ken Norigian and Bill Iannotti for finishing in 2nd place in the regular season 2016 Thursday Night Thong League!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mason’s Mutts made a valiant effort in the one match playoff for league supremacy.  However, their best efforts fell just short.  The Mutts’  opponents, led by their A2 division player who played a near perfect round (38) and their B2 division player, who, playing his match as well as the match of his B1 division absent partner, smoked their competition.  The Mutts’ A1 opponent once again couldn’t get the job done for his team as he choked on the final hole and lost his match to A1 division point leader, Ken Mason.

More on these matches and the first round of the playoffs to follow…….

Final Week of Matches

Here we are at week #14 and the team standings are very, very close.  The Mason’s “Mutts” are leading Graham’s  “Girlymen”  by a mere 1/2 point at this stage of play.   Ken Mason’s crew, with he and Bill Iannotti each  leading his own division in points earned, have some tough matches this Thursday.  Mason and Mark Zito will either be playing Joe Molis and Gus Delfarno, respectively, or if Delfarno is his usual “no show”, both will be playing Molis.  Molis has vowed to destroy anyone in his way to the league individual points and MVP championships.  Mason responded that he “would crush Molis like the bug that he is”.  Bill Iannotti will be playing newcomer, Frank Mariano, a strong player in his division while Ken Norigian will take on rookie, Paul Autiello in a tough match.  Ken has vowed to talk Paul into submission during their match.  John Graham is playing against his out of league match partner, Fran Chatelle.  Fran will be sporting some new duds as he just scoffed at Graham’s outfit of last week.  Fran has been snake bit of late as he feels that all of his opponents play their best against him.  Let’s see what happens.  Abdullah LaFazia, now clean shaven and using his birth name of John, will be playing none other that Bill “Gelly” Gelsomino who has had a rough year in match play.  Long hitting John will probably only see Gelly on the tees and greens on all of the par 4s and 5s.  Gelly has been practicing all week and has has privately told close friends that he is going to “take out” that kid.  ” I’m the king of this league”.  In the other Graham matches, Nick Guadagno, a rookie with a bundle of points, will be taking on the underperforming and limoncello, aficionado, Bob Brown.  Also, newcomer, Bob Maresca, no slouch in the point department, will be taking on the oft volatile, Ernie Panos.  It looks like Panos’ fascination with Gelly’s Golf School is about over, as his game has suffered all season long.

Matches of the Week #13

‘Smilin Joe’ Molis  v  Dan ‘Pretty Boy’ DeQuattro -  This will be a great match between two close friends and roommates on our Florida Golf Trip who know each other “intimately”.  Each who would like nothing more than to beat the other’s head in on the course.  ’Smilin Joe’ has moved up to the A2 Division and has bulldozed his way through the entire league this year and consequently, has just about wrapped up the league individual point championship.  ‘Pretty Boy’ Dan stands in the way and when he is on his game, is as tough a match as there is in the league.  The real question here is whether Joe will, once again tap dance inside Dan’s head throughout the match.  If he does, then the match will be over by the 6th hole.  Last week as he was leaving the golf course, ‘Smilin Joe’ was heard to say about his upcoming match with ‘Pretty Boy’, ”I’m going to squash that hairless wonder.  I will be inside his head early and will not let up. He is no match for me”.   Dan’s response was as follows, “F#*k him!  I’m going to smoke that pr*#k”!  Dan then headed off to his barber for a full body shave and then to the gym in an attempt to further reduce his body fat to 3%.   Prediction – ‘Pretty Boy’ in a close upset over ‘Smilin Joe’ 

 

Steve “El Presidente” Placella  v.  John “G-String” Graham – Placella, who has been working out at the gym daily with Vin LaFazia, will bring his well chiseled body to the 1st tee this week ready for all of ‘G=String’s’ tricks.  The best man at Graham’s most recent wedding to the talented and beautiful, Lisa Arruda Graham,  Placella has been urging Mrs. Graham to end the marriage  by forcefully and with a quick upward thrust, inserting an ice pick into ‘G-String’s’ ear canal while he is sleeping.  The quiet and low key Graham, who, as a result, now sleeps with one eye open, is a new retiree from the state’s workforce.  As a result, he has his golf game in full gear, playing several times per week.   Placella says that he has a strategy in place to bring down the diminutive but still chubby Graham.  “I’m going to wear my earphones and not respond to his ongoing insults and disruptions.  I’m going to take that hairless little bastard down so hard that he will beg for the ice  pick”!   Graham, who has suffered a hearing loss in the workplace, in response once again turned to Vin LaFazia, another hearing loss casualty and asked, “What did that fat jerk say”?   LaFazia’s response, “What”.   Graham asked LaFazia again, “What did that fat jerk say”?  LaFazia once again responded, “What”?   Graham then disgustedly waved off LaFazia and waddled off.   Graham, when asked about his own strategy for the match, revealed only parts of his plan as follows, “To start, I’m going to put pastrami sandwiches on the 1st, 2nd and 3rd tees.   That fat jerk won’t be able to resist and as a result, he will be falling asleep by the 5th hole.  Also, every time I hit a lob wedge 150 yards, I’m going to walk by his fat face, show him the ‘L’ on the wedge and say ‘Lob Wedge’.  Finally, over the past week, in order to increase that fat jerk’s appetite and with the full cooperation of  his vengeful, intelligent and beautiful wife, Cindy, ‘weed’  has been inserted into his sleep apnea mask while he sleeps at night”.   Word is that Mr. ’G-String’  has other tricks up his sleeve as well. - Prediction – Who knows and who cares.

Matches of the Week #12

MATCHES OF THE WEEK FOR WEEK #12

 

John “G-string” Graham  v.  Joe “Smilin’ Joe” MolisThis should be a doozy of a match.  Graham has been playing well of late and both his team and he individually are pushing the divisional leaders for league supremacy.  Smilin’ Joe  has been a virtual buzz saw all season long as he has taken on all comers in the “A” division and has sent them packing with a boot in the behind.  Ever humble, Joe said for all that were in earshot, “It’s amazing that each so-called “A” golfer  that I’ve played in this bogus league has succumbed to the relentless pressure that my game places on them and of course, to my winning personality”.  He also said for all to hear with regards to his match against John Graham, “I can’t wait to play that fat, hairless son of a bitch.  I know all of his tricks.  He’s a dead man”.   All Graham, who has suffered hearing loss as a result of his former very strenuous state position, could say was, “What did he say?”   Graham then turned to Vin “Maggott” Lafazia, no slouch in the hearing loss department, and asked him, “What did he say?”  LaFazia then turned to Graham and said, “What”?  Graham then repeated, “What did he say?”  LaFazia said again, “What”?  Graham then repeated, “What did he say?”  LaFazia then said…  WELL YOU GET THE PICTURE…  This should be a very, very, very volatile match.

Bob Moretti  v.  Jim McLaughlin - Bob and newcomer, Jim are each ranked #1 in the B1  & B2 individual standings respectively at this stage of the season.  While Jim ran off to an early lead in the individual points race and has led the division for  most of  the season, Bob has been on fire of late and caught and passed Jim Meikle a few weeks ago.  At present, both guys have earned 59 1/2 points so far and each is clinging to a two (2) point lead over his 2nd place divisional challenger.   Because both of these guys are gentlemen, I doubt if there will be any trash talking going on.  In fact, both of these guys are pretty quiet, so there may be no talking at all…  This will be a great match to watch.

Jim Meikle  v.  Tom “TO”  O’Hearn - Jim is in 2nd place in the B1 division and Tom is tied for 3rd in the B2 divisions.  While each has led his own division at varying times this year, each golfer comes into this match in a bit of a slump and looking a bit dazed and confused.  Meikle has yet to get settled after taking a week off and having no points awarded for that week and O’Hearn appears to have hit the wall over the last few weeks.   It seems that O’Hearn, a staunch Democrat and Hillary Clinton supporter, led his division for a good stretch this season.  Apparently, “TO”  didn’t like the view from the mountain top and has quickly slid down to a more comfortable 3-4 position in his division.  “TO”s mom,  a wonderful woman who is a devout Catholic of Itlalian descent, has taken out all of the stops for this match.  She has worn her rosary beads down to a nub, and has met with her local pastor, the Bishop and the Pope in order to get them on board with the “prayer train” for “TO”.  She has traveled near and far in search of a miracle for her bambino, “TO”.  Failing that, word is out that “TO”s mom is carrying an ice pick and has vowed to place it cleanly, quietly and with finality into the ear of any of “TO”s opponent.  Our investigators report that she may be disguised as “TO”s caddy this week.  So Jim, a word to the wise… If you see a short,  little old Italian lady adorned with rosary beads and lugging “TO” s bag from his car, stay in your own vehicle and forfeit the match.  This can only end badly for you….

 

HOORAY!!! HOORAY!!! HOORAY!!! HOORAY!!!

imageSMILING JOE MOLIS MADE THONG LEAGUE HISTORY THIS PAST THURSDAY NIGHT WHEN HE BECAME THE  FIRST LEAGUE MEMBER TO CARD A HOLE IN ONE IN LEAGUE PLAY.  JOE, USING A SAWED OFF 9 IRON ON THE 14TH HOLE, ALONG WITH HIS PLAYNG GROUP, HAD A CLEAR VIEW OF THE HISTORIC SHOT AS IT HIT, ROLLED AND DOVE INTO THE CUP.  PLAYING IN MOLIS’ GROUP, RAY CASTIGLIEGO TRIED TO TAKE CREDIT FOR THE SHOT AS HE APPARENTLY YELLED “GO IN”  AS MOLIS’ BALL NEARED THE HOLE.  RAY HAS INSISTED TO ALL WITHIN EARSHOT, THAT THE BALL OBEYED HIS COMMAND.  SO, TO ALL LEAGUE MEMBERS, WHEN YOU SEE JOE NEXT WEEK, GIVE HIM A HUG AND A PECK ON THE CHEEK FOR HIS ACCOMPLISHMENT. I AM SURE THAT HE WILL RECIPROCATE.  ALSO, FOR JOE’S FEAT, THE LEAGUE WILL BE PRESENTING HIM WITH A TWO NIGHT STAY  FOR TWO AT  “THE BACK DOOR CUDDLE AND BUBBLE LODGE”.  JOE HAS ALREADY SELECTED  HIS LONG TIME PARTNER, “PRETTY BOY”  DAN DEQUATTRO AS HIS “LUCKY”  TRAVELING COMPANION.  RUMOR HAS IT THAT DAN IS ALREADY HAVING HIS BODY BUFFED AND IS PACKING HIS FAVORITE LOTIONS, GELLS AND LUBRICANTS…

 

ON ANOTHER FRONT,  BILL “GELLY” GELSOMINO, FULFILLING HIS BUCKET LIST DREAM THIS PAST WEEKEND, SET ANOTHER RECORD THAT MAY NOT BE SURPASSED FOR MANY, MANY YEARS.  THE REASON THAT IT WILL PROBABLY ENDURE FOR MANY YEARS, IS NOT THAT IS WAS HARD TO ACHIEVE, BUT THAT IT WILL BE HARD TO FIND ANYONE NUTS ENOUGH TO ATTEMPT  THE FEAT.   ON JULY 9TH, WHILE AT THE BAREFOOT RESORT AND GOLF CLUB IN NORTH MYRTLE BEACH, SOUTH CAROLINA WITH HIS LOVELY AND VERY UNDERSTANDING WIFE, DONNA, BILL, OVER A 12 HOUR PERIOD OF TIME, PLAYED ALL 4 CHAMPIONSHIP COURSES AT THE RESORT.  THAT’S RIGHT!  HE PLAYED 72 HOLES ON 4 REGULATION COURSES, IN ONE DAY AND IN THE SPACE OF 12 HOURS.  JUST AS HE PREFERS, BILL PLAYED WITH HIMSELF FOR ALL 4 ROUNDS.  CONGRATULATIONS BILL!!!