The “Queens of Myrtle Beach” pranced to a one (1) point victory over the “Statmen” in the Thong League’s end of year Ryder Cup tournament at the Connecticut National Golf Club. While the “Queens” flitted off to an early substantial lead, the “Statmen” nearly sneaked in the back door with a late push of their own.
The biggest “Queen” of the day was none other than the diminutive, but chubby, John “G-string” Graham who shot a gross 76 (net 66) with 3 birdies on the day. It should be noted that John’s cartmate for the day, was Vin “Maggott” Lafazia, who farted his way to an 82 for the day.
Some individual accolades on the day:
Long Drive Competition: Steve “Statman” Richtarik - 284 yards. The “Statman’s” surprising victory was not without controversy however. Apparently, the “Statman’s” brother in law, Doug Sherman, was perched in a golf cart along the right side of the fairway at 284 yards out on the 1st hole making sure that no one messed with Steve’s ball. All of a sudden, last year’s long drive champ, Ken Mason (name changed recently to Ken Audette), boomed a drive at Doug’s cart which was sure to pass the Statman’s puny, but leading drive. Well Mason’s ball whistled under Sherman’s cart where visual authentication was lost by Thong League drones for at least three (3) seconds. Thereafter, Mason’s ball appeared to be mysteriously redirected into a sand trap just off the fairway, coming to rest 290 yards from the tee. As Mason’s ball was now off the fairway, he was knocked from the competition. Vin LaFazia reports that he heard the “Statman” shout a “thank you” to his brother in law, Doug.
Putting Competition: Ernie Panos – 8’2″. Ernie has apparently resurrected his game and has given all of the credit to “Gelly’s Golf School” . As Ernie was giving his post competition remarks and attributes to Gelly’s, Derrick Gelsomino was laughing so hard that he fell out of his golf cart and was nearly struck by one of Ernie’s errant club tosses. Jim Hunter, wose putt held 1st place for a while, predicted that this league would be a union shop next year with union people monitoring and scoring the events.
Sand Bunker Competition: Bob Moretti – 3’2″. Bob nearly missed the competition as someone had to retrieve him from his foursome still playing on the 14th green. True to form, Bob, one of the final players to compete in this competition, played the slope perfectly and rolled it to 3’2″, certainly within 3 putt range for even Steve Placella.
Short Iron Competition: John “G-string” Graham – hole out from 45 yards – This is the 2nd year in a row that a player has holed out in this competition. Last year, good guy, Bob Johnson, holed one from 80 yards. Graham put on a show in order to dispel the very loud rumors that his game was as dead as Dean Wormer and Doug Niedermeyer in the movie “Animal House”. He did it with his usual bold style.
Closest to Pin Winners: Ken Mason #4, Ray Castigliego #7 (though Steve Placella was actually an inch closer), Armand Monaco #9, Bill Gelsomino #11 and Derrick Gelsomino #15.