Filed Under: News
Vin “Maggott” LaFazia v Steve “Statman” Richtarik: The “Maggott”, who has been at or near the top of the individual points race all year, has been waiting for this opportunity to take some frustrations out on the “Statman”. Both of their teams have been cruising along at or near the league lead all year as well. Vin thought he heard Richtarik say something about him last week and he didn’t like the Statman’s comments about Vin being a “grumbler”. The Statmen who has, over the years, wormed his way in as league handicap guru, now has absolute and total control over league handicaps with no transparency or oversight at all. This unthinkable situation has resulted in Steve’s team, always a league doormat, being one of the league’s front runners. Lafazia was heard to say that Richtarik had his son, formerly, John LaFazia, now know as “Abdul Shava d’Boosh” giving the good looking Steve Placella 2 strokes in their match last week and this resulted in a match that wasn’t even a close shave for d’Boosh. Lafazia said that he’d better be getting strokes and not giving any in their match, or else!!
Tom O’Hearn v Jim McLaughlin: Tom O’Hearn (TeeO), a former Thong League member who is new to the league this year, has been flying high each week and is now the total points leader in his division. He will be playing newcomer, Jim McLaughlin, who is an unknown quantity as he has only 4 matches under his belt. Jim however, is up near the top of the individual point totals in his division. TeeO has vowed to slow down McLaughlin and has stated that he may use the 4-corners offense to do so. It is interesting to note that TeeO’s team captain is none other than league handicap guru, Steve “Statman” Richtarik. As a result, we are quite sure that TeeO will be the beneficiary of a bushel full of strokes in this match. Welcome to the Thong League, Jim.
Bill Iannotti v Paul Autiello: Former Thong League member who is new to the league this year, Bill Iannotti, and recently back from a cruise where he nearly ate himself to death, is playing league newcomer, Paul Autiello. Both are near the top of their division in total points earned. While Paul has been “on” in the odd weeks and “off“ in the even weeks of his 4 previous matches, Iannotti, who has 20 points in only 3 weeks of play, has had laser like focus in each of his matches. One could only surmise that the cause for Bill’s keen and sharp focus is that he has a piece of double chocolate cake waiting in his car after the match. More problems for Paul is that Bill’s swing speed recently topped out at an amazing 57 mph. Neither of these guys are on the Statman’s team so their handicaps should be fairly distributed.
Player of Note: Paul Volpe is off to a torrid start this year. His drives are 20-25 yards longer than last year and according to John Graham, who has been watching Paul’s body for nearly a year now, there is more muscle packed onto his frame. When asked about the reason for this enormous increase in the distance in his drives, Paul merely states that he now has learned the proper hinging of his wrist at the top of the swing. Wait a minute now…. Paul, a doctor of physical therapy, who is firmly implanted in the medical field and the world of pharmacology, is asking league members to believe this “tall tale”. Apparently a complaint has been filed with Thong League Rules Committee chairman, Jim “Slick” Wardick. Wardick, whose committee hasn’t made a ruling in 4 years, said he is looking into it and may have league member, John “G-string” Graham forceably extract a urine sample from Mr. Volpe. More on that later…