A View from the Scorer’s Table after Week #8 (June 22, 2017)

Well here we are at the half way point in the season and this is how things have shaken out so far.

Smiling Joe Molis is still cranky and is once again knocking on the point leader’s door in his B-1 division…

Kenny Mason is running away with this year’s birdie competition as he has doubled up the nearest competition with 9 birdies to date…

Kevin “Big Baby” Lawrence is throwing down monster dunks on just about everyone in the league and has led his team to the 1st half division league…

The team of Gelsomino, Placella, DiNobile and Lawrence have a 9.5 point lead over their nearest competition, the teams of Vin LaFazia, Lang, Molis and Panos and the team of  Chatelle, Johnson, Meikle and Travis… It appears that Kevin Lawrence feels that the lead is insurmountable as the mercurial “Big Baby” was seen “moonwalking” his way across the 9th green last Thursday…

Newcomer, Nick Travis, has been crushing his competition and is the midway leader in the B-2 division.  But wait.  In his next scheduled match on July 13 (week #9), he is playing none other than the “Big Baby”.  The Baby, a former UConn Huskie basketball great,  was heard to say bring on the kid, I’m going to crush him like a whoopie cushion.  Like all great athletes, the “Big Baby” has said that in competition, the game seems to slow down for him.  The foursome behind him and the foursome behind them can surely attest to that fact…

Bill Gelsomino was undefeated in matches thru week 7.  Unfortunately, in week #8 his ass was kicked by Dan “I’m not whining, that’s the way I talk” Deinzer to the tune of 7 points to 3…

Garry Reilly (B-1 Division) is the only undefeated and untied player in the league through all of the 5 matches that he has played to date.  Kenny Mason is the only other undefeated player in the league as he has won 3 times and tied 3 times in the 6 matches that he has played to date…

WHAT????       This past week when this writer informed Ken “the Sphinx” Norigian, that his group was first off the tee and that his group needed to set the pace for the rest of the league, Ken stated that he doesn’t slowing things down, “it’s always the golfers that I play with” …  HUH???  This is a very clear sign that true reality is now upside down and I wear a medium golf shirt….

SLICK WHO???    Jim “Slick” Wardick, who, on only 2 occasions this year, has graced our presence this year with his hulking silouette, has once again, been the anchor of the 1st half of the season by sinking his team to a comfortable 7th place to date.  Captain, Ken “the Sphinx” Norigian, has been desparately  trying to sell, trade and bargain away the Slickster.  Unfortunately, there have been no takers.  Ken even hung Slick on the waiver wire, but we all know what happened to the wire…

FINALLY!!!    Where the hell  is Paul DeMasi?  Some of our newcomers are even asking, “Who the hell is Paul DeMasi?”  Well, for those not in the know, Paul is firmly ensconced and enrolled in the Thong League Witness Protection Program that is run by MetLife Insurance.  Due to the prevailing dangerous atmosphere, Paul seldom ventures into Rhode Island’s open air.  He is more apt to be seen cavorting the fairways of Myrtle Beach, SC, trudging the warm sands of Dubai, avoiding drug cartels in Mexico City and of course taking in the arousing and breathtaking thonged beaches of Brazil.  If anyone has caught a glimpse of Paul, the former “King of Myrtle Beach”, please let us all know…

 

REMEMBER!!!!!  There is a team event this Thursday (June 29th).  Let Steve Richtarik know if you are playing ASAP so he can set a proper format ($5 per person).

There are no league matches on July 6th (4th of July Week).  The next official league matches will take place on Thursday, July 13th (week #9 on the schedule).

HAVE A GREAT AND SAFE 4TH!!!

 

A View from the Scorer’s Table after Week #7 – June 15, 2017

Team Play:  Well after week 7, team Lawrence, with a steady dose of points from from Mike “the enforcer” DiNobile and captain, Kevin “Big Baby” Lawrence, have opened up a 5.5 point lead over the rag tag second place team of hobos led by newcomer, Nick Travis.  Lawrence’s team has only been slightly helped by their so-called “A” players, Gelsomino and Placella.  On the other hand, the 2nd place team, captained by Jim Meikle, has ridden the red hot Travis (42 individual points) and some timely play from A-lister, Bob Johnson and captain Jim Meikle to an improbable 2nd place at this point in the season.  Fran Chatelle, the other so-called “A” player in this horse race has appeared old and sluggish and ready for the glue factory.  Securely in 3rd place, but moving up the line fast is team Guerra with 101.5 points.  Led by the stellar play of  “A” man, Ken Mason, who is averaging around 6 points per match and with the consistent play of  their other A-lister, Dan Deinzer and B-listers, Dennis Ryan and captain, Rick Guerra, they are the team to watch in the 2nd half.  Still staying in the hunt in 4th place is team Battista with 100.0 points to date.  Bob Maresca has been the star of this team (35 individual points) with Steve “Statman” Richtarik and captain Bob Battista consistently kicking in some points on a weekly basis.  All 3 of these players are looking at “A” player, Dan “Prety Boy” DeQuattro, and on  more than one occasion saying, “What the fu#k?’, with Dan only earning 1/2 point this past Thursday.  Richtarik was heard to say that “a corpse could even get 2 points in any match!  How the hell did he only get 1/2 point!”  

BIRDIE WATCH:   KEN MASON WITH 8 BIRDIES TO DATE IS BLOWING AWAY THE COMPETITION AND HAS DOUBLED UP HIS NEAREST RIVALS.

Individual Play:  In the “A-1” Division, quiet, Ray Castigliego and Bill “Gelly-man” Gelsomino lead the way with 40.0 points each.  Ray has “earned” his points through hard matches against very tough opponents while Billy Gel has amassed his points against the feeble, the infirm and the dead. 

In the “A-2” Division, not so newcomer, John Lang, playing every single scheduled match, has earned 37.5 points.  League members have been heard to chant, “We want DeMasi!  We want DeMasi”, in hopes of beating up on the beleaguered and seldom seen Paul Demasi, who, by the way, is the other half of the 2 headed team of Lang and DeMasi.

The “B-1” Division is headed by Mike “the enforcer” DiNobile with 39.0 points.  However, Joe “Smiling Joe”  Molis, with 38.5 points is quickly creeping up Mike’s backside.  Could this be why Joe is smiling?.

It appears that newcomer, Nick Travis, has an insurmountable lead in The “B-2”  Division with 42.0 points.  But wait a minute!  Ken “the sphinx” Norigian at 34.5 points is silently moving his way up the B-2 Division leader board.  Look for Ken, with cat like quickness, to pounce on the unsuspecting rookie, Travis.  Also, waiting in the wings with 30.0 points is  Ernie “the mormon”  Panos.  Ernie was heard to say when he was made aware that the Nick was 12 points ahead of him, “That kid better watch his back.  I’ll fuc# him up in our next match”!  As Ernie is of Greek ancestry, his statement may have a double meaning.  Heads up Nick…

Fore til next time……

A View from the Scorer’s Table after Week #3

Team Lawrence, led by its reluctant leader, Kevin “Big Baby” Lawrence, presently holds a slim 2 point lead of the Team Battista.  The “Big Baby”  has earned 22 points alone over the first 3 weeks of league play and is showing his leadership by example.  All members of  the Lawrence team have contributed to their early lead.  However, fill in captain Mike DiNobile’s game hit a pot hole last week when he came in with a puny 3.5 points.  When the ever positive “Big Baby” was made aware of this, he indicated that this was probably a misstep for Mike D and he was sure that he would be back on track this coming week.  Apparently that is how Team Lawrence rolls – all positive and encouragement.  On the other hand, Team Battista, led by the “Bobsie Twins” of Bob Battista and Bob Maresca, have been slaughtering their opponents each and every week.  When Battista learned that the so-called “A” players on his team (Steve “Statman” Richtarik and Dan “Pretty Boy” DeQuattro) earned only 6.5 points combined in last week’s play, he immediately inquired about the league trade deadline and waiver wire provisions.  Battista was distraught when he was told that the trade deadline had passed and that the waiver wire had snapped when Jim Wardick was placed on it a couple of weeks ago.  As he walked away, Battista was heard to grumble, “Those f*#!*ing bums better start earning points for my team or heads will roll!”  Bob Maresca, quiet as always, just shook his head in agreement.  Richtarik overheard Battista’s rant and shouted back at Battista, “If you and the “Pretty Boy” hadn’t gone for that couples electrolosis treatment in week 2 and been no-shows for that week, we could have been in first place”… We will see what next week brings for this team.

In individual play after 3 weeks, Garry Reilly and Bob Maresca are point making machines in the B-1 division, while Kevin Lawrence, Rick Guerra and Bob Battista are cutting a wide swarth through the B-2 division.  In the A-1 division, John Graham and Ken Mason are leading the way, while in the B-2 division, Bob Johnson has an early lead in points earned.

Matches of the Week #4:

Bob Battista  v  Garry Reilly:   In this one, two point making machines from different divisions will face off against each other.  The big factor will be how the “Statman” doles out the candy to his teammate.  When Reilly was asked for his comments, he just shook his head and said, “I’m used to getting f*#ked in this league.  I’m probably giving 3 or 4 strokes”…

Vin “Maggot” LaFazia  v  Bob Johnson:  There may be no candy to give in this match, so it should be a doozy.  Both players’ games have been very steady but LaFazia may have the edge because he likes quiet when he plays and Bob Johnson, unlike Lafazia,  is a quiet and considerate player.  The betting line is that Johnson, in order to beat the “Maggot”, will need to talk to LaFazia as LaFazia addresses the ball, just before he swings and even after his shot.  This may so unnerve the “Maggot” that Johnson can coast to a win…

A View from the Scorer’s Table after Week #2

After 2 weeks of league play and with the warm weather finally upon us, some interesting league developments have occurred.

Team Enforcer and Captain Mike DiNobile’s team of hobos have forged a tenuous hold onto first place in the team standings.  This lofty perch is due to the stellar play of none other than Kevin “Big Baby” Lawrence who has trudged his way to earning 15 individual points over the 1st two weeks of the season.  DiNobile seems to have “his” team in line as he sat out Steve Placella during the 1st week due to an unspecified team violation.  Apparently Gelsomino and Lawrence were aggressively lobbying the captain to sit Placella out for even more weeks, but Captain DiNobile silenced both of those magpies with just a steely stare…

It seems that the present 2nd place team captained by Bob Battista is not made for the long season.  After a fabulous 1st week of play and earning 20 team points, Captain Battista and teammate, Dan “Pretty Boy” DeQuattro  chose to both sit out last week’s matches.  DeQuattro, who rarely plays when the chance of rain is greater than 10% for fear that his hair may frizz, was inexplicably absent and Battista may have intentionally stayed home last Thursday night simply to show league upstart/czar/president/ruler, Steve Richtarik, that you need 3 to make a team in this league.  It seems that Battista may have felt that the power grabbing Richtarik forgot who in fact was their team captain.  The result:  Battista’s team earned only 14 points last Thursday…

The Birdie Wars are heating up.  After failing to get any prize for scoring the most natural birdie’s in last year’s league, John “G-String” Graham is determined to make the race for Birdie dominance, relevant.  After 2 weeks of play, the leaders in the outhouse are John Graham, Bill Gelsomino and Steve Richtarik with 2 each…

Individual Point leaders after 2 weeks of play are as follows:  A1 Division:  Steve Richtarik – 13.0 pts;  A2 Division: Bob Johnson – 13.0 pts;  B1 Division:  Bob Maresca – 14.0 pts;  B2 Division:  Kevin Lawrence – 15.0 pts.

Let the Matches begin

The official league matches will begin this Thursday, May 4, 2017 at the Triggs Memorial Golf Course. Tee times will run from approximately 4:10 pm to 5:20 pm. We will be starting on the 10th hole. A complete league match schedule should be sent to everyone’s e-mail by Wednesday. NOTE: if you are unable to make it to the course on Thursday, you must call Steve Richtarik as soon as possible @ 714-8753 so that he can make the proper match schedule changes and prepare the proper scorecards. You must also call your opponent. Absentees for this Thursday are the following players : Jim Wardick, Dennis Ryan and Bob Brown all in Florida and Bill Iannotti recovering from surgery. If you are scheduled to play any of these four players on Thursday, you will still have a match against the absent player’s divisional partner, namely, Armand Monaco playing for Bob Brown, Rick Guerra playing for Dennis Ryan, Jim McLaughlin playing for Bill Iannotti and Bob Moretti playing for Jim Wardick.

Also, be sure to go over the league rules that were e-mailed to you a while back which also included a host of league information. At the end of your match, please place your fully completed and legibly filled out match card at the back of the 18th green secured by a tee or whatever else you have available. Otherwise give it to Steve Richtarik or John Graham.

The Thong League would like to welcome this year’s newcomers, John Lang and Nick Travis.

Finally, don’t forget to pencil into your calendar the end of year league tournament date of Saturday, September 16, 2017 at the Connecticut National Golf Club.

2017 Thursday Night Thong League Golf

The opening dinner for this year’s golf league is scheduled for Thursday, April 6, 2017 @ 6:30 pm at the Kelley Gazzerro VFW Post, Plainfield Pike, Cranston, RI.

At this time, league dues ($160.00) will be collected, teams will be selected and the league format and rules will be discussed.

Dinner and Drinks on the league will be served…

Thong League Florida Golf Trip Results

Well, the 17th annual Florida Golf Trip is now in the books.  This year’s designated team names were the “Mostly Dwarfs”  and the “Mostly Giants”.  The selection of the teams was a small bastardization of  Eddie DiMartino’s original, drunken  idea to select the teams by height alone.  Actually this was done where all but three of the “Mostly Dwarfs” were 5’7″  (mostly Italians and Portuguese descent) or under and the “Mostly Giants” were taller than 5’8″, except for a couple of  wee ones.

The results were much the same as in the past.  The Dwarfs danced and pranced all over the heavy footed giants and scooted out to a 14 to 4 point lead after the first day of matches.   Later that evening, the beleagured captain of the Giants, Jim “Slick” Wardick, gave his “team” an impassioned speech in order to spur them to victory during the 2nd day of matches.  Unfortunately, the 2nd day was more of the same as the Dwarfs doubled up their lead and moon walked across the 18th green after the 2nd day with an insurmountable 28 to 8 point lead.  Once again that evening, the now maniacal captain “Slick”, now resorted to threatening to physically hurt the under performing members of his “team” if they didn’t perform better  during the 3rd day of matches..

Day three began with Walt Geer benevolently offering to double all day 3 points in order to give the “Mostly Giants”  a shot at closing the gap. Captain Slick snapped up the offer and close the gap they did.  At the end of the day, the cumulative score had been narrowed to 40-32, but still in favor of the “Mostly Dwarfs”.   A witness to the “Mostly Giants” pre-game meeting disclosed that maniacal captain “Slick” Wardick had abandoned his physical threats to his team and instead, told his team that if they didn’t close the gap on day 3, he would be sending them all home and was bringing in replacement players for day 4.   Apparently the threats worked as the “Mostly Giants”  responded and gave them a fighting chance for the Thong Cup with a substantial rally on day 4.

Unfortunately, day 4 saw the “Mostly Dwarfs” stomp the “Mostly Giants” and once again run away with the Thong Cup.  Captain Tony Amaral, was the biggest Dwarf of all as he did not lose a match.  Amaral was also caught on video calling out the  Captain of the “Mostly Giants”, Slick Wardick.  Amaral made good on his call out as well.  As soon as the Thong League tech gurus can figure out how to post them on this site, they will be here for all to see.

Once again, many thanks to the Buffalo Boys as they excelled in putting on a great spread for all on Monday evening.  They never disappoint.   May the holiday season and Santa bring them the speedy dismissal of Rex Ryan and his brother from that titanic known as the Buffalo Bills.

Here are some more Christmas gifts and wishes from the Thong League to some of our members:

To Jim “Slick” Wardick – a 152 week course in team management (emphasis on how to handle your underlings and how to handle those who fail or disagree with you) taught by none other than Donald Trump.   Given the Slickster’s track record as captain of his team (1 win in 12 attempts), he would have been the 1st person kicked off The Apprentice.

To Frank “the merry clipster” Fezzuoglio –  a calculator to help tabulate your score.

To Nick and Vinnie Masi – a vision of your brother in law, Frank, coming down the chimney, dressed as Papa Natale and wearing a huge smile on his face and of course, extra batteries for Frank’s calculator.

To Walt “the perpetual martini” Geer – a year off in 2017 from any golf related administrative responsibilities when on this trip – no captaincy, no score input duties, no determining winners and losers each day and no figuring  money payouts.  Just pure golf, booze and cigarettes.  You’ve earned it.  Maybe then you can earn some room money!

To Tony  “the Codfather” Amaral – an accurate GHIN handicap index.

To Al “your f*%king me” Ferreira – yet another accurate GHIN handicap index and some whine to go with your cheese.

To Dan “Pretty Boy” DeQuattro – a full year’s collection of salves, creams, gells, razors and the boat load of man scape items that only the “Pretty Boy” can own and use.  Oh and of course, an apology from Slick.

To Joe “Smilin Joe” Molis – a 52 week anger management course co-taught by none other than Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin that will have special focus on “how to properly react when you feel threatened, insulted or dissed”.

To Dave “the brother with the personality” Holder –  a hall pass to come back yet again next year with your buds and play from the elderly tees and of course,  a year or more of smiles and keeping it light at home.

To Tom “my name isn’t Walter” Hebert – yet another year of Jack’s friendship and the ability to stop “your friends” from telling your wife that you made much more money than you actually did in Florida.

To Jack “I’m finally retired” Harrington – an oversized freezer that will hold as many heads as you can possibly imagine.

To Ed “can you rub me right here” DiMartino –  Another year of drunken golf trip suggestions and a perpetual golf partner that will voluntarily rub you on demand.  And yes, you are a Dwarf!!

To Dan “the Lobsterfest” Deinzer – that the generosity and friendship that you have always given,  be given back to you 10 times over and or course, that you receive some whine with your cheese.

Ray “oops I said it again” Castigliego – the ability to occasionally hold your tongue and Paul Verrecchia as your perpetual bodyguard and conscience.

Paul “I’ve retired 4 times” Verrecchia – Enough bullets to properly protect Ray.

Joe “I’m retired at 49” Ahrens – the health and ability to play 160 rounds of golf next year and the new idol to many of us who are still working.

Dave “pass that one more time” Deinzer – 160 rounds of golf with Joe and the good life in retirement.

Al “I’ve got a suggestion” Belair – the ability to properly run this Florida tournament as Walt Geer relinquishes the reins that he has often held in a death grip.

Ken “I’m speechless” Norigian – an alarm clock and a 4 hour round of golf.

Keith “I’ll have another scotch” Beck – a new  roommate or certainly one with an alarm clock.

Ernie Ricci – a son in law with an alarm clock.

Dave “I thought I was a co-captain” Vinacco – the ability to have some input into Slick’s maniacal decisions.

Allen “I didn”t lick that plate” Manguson – a year’s supply of fresh, hot Krispy Crème donuts, a year knowing that you squished Mr. G-string in your match and a pass to return next year.

Stan “Stosh” Geer –   a year’s supply of air freshener to clear the air around your ass, another year of daily calls from Mr. G-string and a pass to return next year.

John “G-string” Graham – a year of good health and retirement, 160 rounds of golf, the continued ability to make birdies on demand and of course, a year where he can finally break out of his shell and feel comfortable busting balls and being the center of attention.

Steve “the Commish” Placella – a year where he can finally fit into a medium shirt, the ability to play more than 14 half-way decent holes in an 18 hole round, and of course, the ability to counter John G-String’s ball busting.

And of course great thoughts about our dear friends – Bill Lonardo and George Benjamin.  You are in our thoughts.

Finally, in the words of Papa Natale, MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

All in all, it was a great week of golf, great weather, humor  and friendship.  See you all next year!!!

The Thong League is Heading to Florida

7   DAYS AND COUNTING …………………………………..   ORLANDO HERE WE COME!!!!

Thong Cup Finale

MASON’S MUTTS EKE OUT A VICTORY IN THURSDAY NIGHT THONG CUP FINALE!!!!!!!

See all the results from the Thursday Night Thong League including the Tournament Match results and the Individual Tournament Results.  Just click to to enlarge

2016 Thong League ResultsTournament Match Results Front 9Tournament Match Results Back 9Tournament Individual Results

Playoff Finals Thursday September 8th

A  Division Finals   

Gus  Delfarno  v  Steve Placella

Joe  Molis  v  Jack Harrington

B  Division Finals

Nick Guadagno  v  Paul Autiello

Note:  Both Bob Maresca and Frank Mariano are unavailable so Nick Guadagno and Paul Autiello will play the only “B” match.

All golfers from our league are welcome to come and play as well on Thursday!!!

Remember!!!  League Tournament on Saturday September 10th at Ct National Golf Club

Tee times begin at 10:40 am; Range balls are free; skills competition after the round; Apps and Dinner after the round at the golf course.  Check this website and click on the “LEAGUE TOURNAMENT”  tab.

By the way, 3 league members, Paul Volpe, Bob Masello and Nick Guadagno are all anxiously awaiting the birth of their first born children.  Let’s all say a prayer for great health for the moms and babies.  Also, Paul Volpe’s clubs are now for sale at a very, very discounted price.  He will no longer have any use for them.  Ditto for Bob Masello who is just giving his away.  Nick Guadagno’s father in law, none other than Paul Autiello, took Nick’s clubs and won’t give them back to him for the next 15 years or so!!  Good luck to all and enjoy fatherhood!!