Filed Under: News
Ken Mason v. Jim Wardick – This match should be a doozy!! Wardick’s ego is still bruised and battered over the drubbing that he absorbed from Mason way back in week #1 of 2014. Of course the fact that Wardick was giving Mason 4 strokes at the time hasn’t softened the blow (PS-Wardick still blames the “Statman”, Steve Richtarik, for sacrificing him in that match, but more on that later). The quiet Mason, who has yet to see his game blossom this year, has stated to other league members that Wardick’s pronouncements that he s the “long hitter” in the league, is a joke and has vowed to show the entire league that Wardick is just a “slap hitter” in their long drive competition. Wardick on the other hand, has been preparing for this match for a year now. He has been bulking up for the entire year in order to give him the “fitness” edge in this predictably grueling match. Wardick has stated that he needs to play angry in order to excel. In fact, he has been rooming with “Smiling” Joe Molis this past week in order to soak in the angry ambiance. Prediction – Wardick channels his inner angryman and bounces Mason like a fat lady on a trampoline.
Bob Moretti v. Kevin Lawrence - This match will pit gentleman against gentleman, a rarity in Thong League match annals. Both Bob and Kevin have excelled in match play format and have been consistent point earners for their various teams over the years. Bob and Kevin have also been known to grind out their matches in a very deliberate manner. Kevin stated that he will not let Bob’s delaying tactics get to him. Kevin is determined to slow his game down and put this match in the freezer from the 10th hole on. Kevin was overheard telling another league member that his strategy is to use the “four corners offense” in order to slow down Bob’s racehorse style of play. Bob, on the other hand, has vowed to not let Kevin ”one up” him in their match and will “take his time” before each shot. For this match, the league has requested that all other league members upon completion of their matches, park their cars with headlights on, along hole #s 16 through 18 in order to guide Bob and Kevin’s crawl to the clubhouse. Predicition – Moretti ekes it out in in the dark of night.
The Guinea Slayer Watch – Jim “Guinea Slayer” Hunter is now 3 and 0 in his matches this year against league “Eyetalians”. He first thumped Paul Volpe in week #1 and then destroyed John Lafazia in week #3. Upon the completion of that match, Hunter began to tell all within earshot, “I crushed the kid, now bring on his old man! I am going to kick his ass next!”. Sure enough, in week #4, Hunter faced off against John’s old man, Vin “Maggott” LaFazia. True to his word, Hunter polished off the old man in a close match. During the next two weeks (match weeks 5 & 6), Hunter has a vacation so to speak, from his “Eyetalian” opponents. Hunter, who is of English and Scottish descent, among other mongrel things, will first face off in week #5 against rookie, Doug Sherman, also of English and Scottish descent, among other mongrel things. Sherman has already played in a foursome with Hunter and has been Hunterized. In fact, during their match, they will probably find out that they are somehow related to each other. Hunter’s match in week #6 against Steve “Statman” Richtarik should bring a few fireworks. First off, Hunter gets his panties in a bunch each week as he thinks the “Statman” is screwing him in the handicap area. Some of the older league members will recall that when Hunter last played in the league, he had his Dominican posse pay a visit to the Statman’s home and that the visit resulted in an increase in Hunter’s handicap for the rest of the year. This year however, with the Dominican posse no longer a threat, “Statman” is feeling his oats and has assured all that Hunter will be giving strokes in their match. Hunter’s next chance to keep his “Guinea Slayer” streak going will be in week #7 against Steve Placella, former league dictator. More on that later…