Week #2 Matches of the Week

WEEK  #2 –  MATCHES OF THE WEEK

Match #1  - Jim “Guinea Slayer” Hunter  v.  Gus Delfarno –  Jim Hunter’s streak of not losing                 to a league member of Italian heritage is still intact.   Last week Hunter and                                     newcomer,  Mark Zito, waltzed to a 5 point tie.  Apparently, the Slayer couldn’t                             entice Zito into  drinking enough alcohol to severely affect his game and turn the                       match in Hunter’s   favor.  After the match, Hunter  immediately sent a crew of old                   school teamsters to  Steve Richtarik’s palatial estate in Cranston in order to “coax” a                 more favorable  handicap for this week from our own  handicap guru.  This would                     appear to be a  problem for newcomer, Gus Delfarno, in  this week’s match.  Gus,                         who spanked league  namesake, John “G-string” Graham last week (though some                       say Graham enjoyed the  spanking as much as he hated losing), has already begun                     to downplay his quick start by  ”begging” all who could read, that last week’s results                 were an aberration.  Look for  league handicap guru, Steve Richtarik, to take some                     liberties with Delfarno’s virgin  handicap in this week’s match.  We are not sure                            whether Richtarik will mess with  Gus’ handicap because of last week’s play or                              because of the visit that was paid to his home by Hunter’s boys.  Look for Steve                              Richtarik and ask him this week.  He will be the guy with the bandage on his head                        who is limping around the course.

Match #2 – Bob Moretti  v.  Ernie Panos The quiet and deliberate, Bob Moretti, will face off               against newly minted “hole in one king”, Ernie Panos.  Ernie, who has recently spent               a considerable amount of time at Gelly’s Golf School, appears to have a more mature               outlook to his game.   The question here is whether Bob can bring out the “old” Ernie               in this week’s match where Ernie was not averse to uttering a string of expletives                       that would make a Marine blush while firing his club into the turf in an attempt to                     aerate the ground at his feet .  Also, rumors are also swirling that “Belly’s”, Bill                               Iannotti’s golf  school, has been attempting to recruit Ernie away from Gelly’s Golf                   School.  We will  see if Ernie is sporting his “Gelly” shirt this week.  One of our                                 reporters overheard  Ernie griping that he is the one who has put Gelly’s on the map,               not vice versa and that if he is expected to stay in the Gelly camp, he will need                               yet another Gelly’s shirt.   

Week #1 Match Results

HOORAY FOR ERNIE!!!!!    Yes that’s right, you heard it here first!!  Our own Ernie Panos, and the only member of Gelly’s Golf School, scored a hole in one at the 3rd hole at the  North Kingstown Golf Course this past Sunday.  Typically, Ernie was closed lipped about his recent success, though Bill Gelsomino, Ernie’s mentor and swing coach, was all to eager to take all of the credit.  Don’t worry Ernie, I will get the word out.  It appears that the drinks are on Ernie next week!!!!

John “G-String” Graham’s hopes for an undefeated season were dashed this week by newcomer upstart, Gus Delfarno.  Gus threw a cool “40″ at the diminutive but chubby Graham who rolled his way to a “45″.  The results:  Delfarno walked away with 7 points while the newly retired Graham skulked off with only 3 points. 

Bill Gelsomino and Steve “King of Myrtle Beach”  Placella clashed once again in this week’s  matches.  Placella, in rabbit like fashion, scooted off to a 3 hole lead after 4 holes over the struggling Gelsomino.  Not to be deterred, Gelsomino played even par over the next 4 holes and took a 1 hole lead going into #9.  Alas, the come back victory was not to be for Gelly as he double bogeyed the final hole and the match was halved.  Results:  King of MB 5; Gelly 5.  As both golfers recently returned from a tournament where Gelsomino was dominated in all but one match, it seems he has some work to do in the make shift driving range in his yard.  

The other Gelsomino, that’s right, young Derrick, threw a “44″ at newcomer and new father, Ken Norigian, who  limped in with a 51.  It appears that Ken tired after 3 holes, no doubt the result of numerous nightly diaper changes and breast feedings.  Don’t worry Ken.  It will get better, both your golf and your nocturnal adventures.  Results: Dgel  7 1/2; Ken 2  1/2.

Mike Simone, a returnee to the league this year, had his first match against the affable, good looking and yes, well dressed, Fran Chatelle.  This match was a doozie as both golfers shot 42 and and the difference was the welcome stroke that league handicap guru, Steve Richtarik  had Fran give to Mike on the 3rd hole.   Results:    Mike – 6; Fran 4.  Fran, who is used to getting, not giving strokes in his matches,  took off after the round to find his former friend and handicap guru Steve Richtarik, in search of some retribution for what he feels is Richtarik’s betrayal.

More to come….

 

Teams and Match Schedules

At the league meeting held on March 31st, the teams were randomly selected.  So click on the “Teams” tab on this website to take a look.

 

The schedule is out!!  Steve Richtarik has worked diligently through the night to come up with the match schedules for all.  Once again this year there will be 2 or 3 must see matches each week with certain players chirping and chirping and chirping!  The schedule has been posted and can be viewed on this website by clicking on the “schedule”  tab.  Remember, mark those matches where you want to bludgeon a certain opponent.

Voluntary practice Rounds on Thursday, April 14th and April 21st – tee times begin @ 4:16 pm.   Golfers new to the league, please keep your scores and give them to either Steve Placella or Steve Richtarik.

2016 THURSDAY NIGHT THONG LEAGUE AT TRIGGS MEMORIAL GOLF COURSE

The initial league meeting will take place on THURSDAY,  MARCH 31, 2016 AT 6:30 pm at the KELLEY GAZZERRO VFW POST LOCATED AT 1418 PLAINFIELD STREET, CRANSTON, RI.  AT THAT TIME,  LEAGUE FORMAT AND RULES WILL BE DISCUSSED, TEAMS WILL BE CHOSEN, DUES WILL BE COLLECTED AND DINNER AND DRINKS ON THE LEAGUE WILL BE SERVED.  

DUES AGAIN THIS YEAR WILL BE $160.00 AND WILL COVER THE COST OF LEAGUE PRIZES AND AWARDS, 3 LEAGUE DINNERS, DRINKS AND A YEAR END TOURNAMENT AT A PREMIUM GOLF COURSE.  CHECK OUT THIS WEBSITE  FOR MORE INFORMATION.

 

Walt’s Wenches Return Home from Florida with a decisive Victory over Slick’s Stoonods

2015 Florida Thong League Golf Trip

 

Final Day's ResultsDaily Tournament Results

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This year, from November 11 – 16,   35  golfers and 2 pros descended upon Kissimmee, Florida in the annual battle for the coveted Thong Cup.  Once again, Jim “Slick” Wardick, much like the  captain of the Titanic, drove his team (Slick’s Stoonods) into the ocean floor.  You would think that Slick would get driving lessons as he keeps doing the same thing over and over and over again -.  Yep, Walt’s Wenches broke out to a 6 point lead after the first day of matches and thereafter kept the Stoonods barely in sight in their rear view mirror.  By the last day of matches, the Stoonods needed to win 15 out of the 18 match points available that day in order to pull out a victory.  Alas, it was not to be.  The Wenches cruised to yet another lopsided victory over the disgruntled Stoonods.  Frank Fezzuoglio, one of the more verbal Stoodnods, said that new leadership was needed and that Slick and his assistant, Ed DiMartino, may soon find themselves in the trunk of an old Cadillac.  Fezzuoglio went on to say that Slick wouldn’t fit in the trunk of a mid size car or smaller.  He did say however, that Ed D would fit nicely in the trunk of one of those little smart cars.  Other observers felt that Slick was more interested in eating at Walt Geer’s condo than he was urging his team to victory.  Slick did make one final desperate effort to disrupt the Wenches’  juggernaut.  Slick and Ed DiMartino, after a night of alcoholic adventures, exploded into Walt Geer’s condo at 3:30 am on Saturday, prior to the third day of matches (so-called moving day).  After waking and disrupting all on the first floor and upset that all sleeping on the 2nd floor were ignoring his overtures, Slick, with cat like quickness, bolted up the stairs and proceeded to body slam Steve Placella who was having his own dream about the 75 that he had shot on the previous Thursday thereby bringing his dream to a very premature end.  Next, Slick extracted Walt Geer’s mattress from his bed (with Walt on it for a very short time) and dragged it down to the first floor family room.  Luckily, Walt saw the wisdom in rolling off the mattress before it went down the stairs one by one by one.  Once all were awake and in the 1st floor family room, more chaos ensued and continued until all left for the golf course later that morning.  There was not a wink of sleep to be had after 3:30 that morning.  Not lost in the aftermath of Slick’s chaotic adventure, was Ken Norigian’s diabolical use of a cell phone app that provided fake phone calls and had some golfer’s delivering personal items to other golfers at ungodly hours.  For that, Ken has been named the  Thong League’s Director of Communications and IT.  We figured it was best to have him on our side than against.  Needless to say, most of Saturday’s scores  left a lot to be desired.  By Sunday’s final tournament matches,  the Stoonods’ goose was cooked and the sweet smell of victory was wafting through the Wenches’ condos.  Dan Deinzer and the Buffalo boys once again did a wonderful job for Saturday’s cookout and Dan, as always, kept his famous Bloody Marys flowing.

 

The Thong League Lands in Orlando

In two short days, the Thong League, with a contingent of 34 golfers, will be taking over the Hapimag Resort in Orlando, Florida, for its annual golf extravaganza.  The teams have been selected, the handicaps have been set (despite some whining) and the match schedules have been finalized.  The following golf courses are on the menu and will be served up to a hungry group of golfers:  Champions Gate Country Club, Grand Cypress Golf Club – The New Course, Southern Dunes Golf Club, Shingle Creek Golf Club, Disney Magnolia Golf Club, Disney Palm Golf Club and the spectacular , Ritz Carlton Golf Club.  All of the courses are the best that are available in that area, so none of the usual excuses should be in play, ie., “There were stones in the bunker,  there was hard pan in the rough, the greens were plugged”, etc.  So good luck to all and let your balls fly long and straight!!!

“QUEENS OF MYRTLE BEACH” PRANCE TO A ONE POINT VICTORY

The “Queens of Myrtle Beach”  pranced to a one (1)  point victory over the “Statmen” in the Thong League’s end of year Ryder Cup tournament at the Connecticut National Golf Club.    While the “Queens”  flitted off to an early substantial lead,  the “Statmen”  nearly sneaked in the back door with a late push of their own.  

The biggest “Queen” of the day was none other than the diminutive, but chubby, John “G-string” Graham who shot a gross 76 (net 66) with 3 birdies on the day.  It should be noted that John’s cartmate for the day, was Vin “Maggott” Lafazia, who farted his way to an 82 for the day.

Some individual accolades on the day:

Long Drive Competition:   Steve “Statman” Richtarik  - 284 yards.    The “Statman’s” surprising victory was not without controversy however.  Apparently, the “Statman’s”  brother in law, Doug Sherman, was perched in a golf cart along the right side of the fairway at 284 yards out on the 1st hole making sure that no one messed with Steve’s ball.  All of a sudden, last year’s long drive champ, Ken Mason  (name changed recently to Ken Audette), boomed a drive at Doug’s cart which was sure to pass the Statman’s puny, but leading drive.  Well Mason’s ball whistled under Sherman’s cart  where visual authentication was lost by Thong League drones for at least three (3) seconds.  Thereafter, Mason’s ball appeared to be mysteriously redirected into a sand trap just off the fairway, coming to rest 290 yards from the tee.  As Mason’s ball was now off the fairway, he was knocked from the competition.   Vin LaFazia reports that he heard the “Statman”  shout a “thank you” to his brother in law, Doug. 

Putting Competition:      Ernie Panos – 8’2″.      Ernie has apparently resurrected his game and has given all of the credit to “Gelly’s Golf School” .   As Ernie was giving his post competition remarks  and attributes to Gelly’s,  Derrick Gelsomino was laughing so hard that he fell out of his golf cart and was nearly struck by one of Ernie’s errant club tosses.  Jim Hunter, whose putt held 1st place for a while, predicted that this league would be a union shop next year with union people monitoring and scoring the events.

Sand Bunker Competition:         Bob Moretti – 3’2″.     Bob nearly missed the competition as someone had to retrieve  him from his foursome still playing on the 14th green.   True to form, Bob, one of the final players to compete in this competition, played the slope perfectly and rolled it to 3’2″, certainly within 3 putt range for even Steve Placella.

Short Iron Competition:        John “G-string” Graham – hole out from 45 yards –  This is the 2nd year in a row that a player has holed out in this competition.  Last year, good guy, Bob Johnson, holed one from 80 yards.  Graham put on a show in order to dispel the very loud rumors that his game was as dead as  Dean Wormer and Doug Niedermeyer in the movie “Animal House”.  He did it with his usual bold style.  

Closest to Pin Winners:      Ken Mason #4,  Ray Castigliego #7 (though Steve Placella was actually an inch closer),  Armand Monaco #9,  Bill Gelsomino #11  and Derrick Gelsomino #15.    

LEAGUE TOURNAMENT SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 13 – CONNECTICUT NATIONAL GC

Playoff Results of September 3, 2015 – Semifinal Rounds

Format – Team Net Aggregate

 

Castigliego/Sherman  (76)  defeat  Wardick/Placella  (84)

Anderson  (66)  defeats  Meikle/Panos  (77)

The league playoff finals will be held on Thursday, September 10th, 2015

The Castigliego/Sherman team will face off against the Anderson/DeQuattro team

 

REMEMBER!!!    OUR LEAGUE TOURNAMENT WILL TAKE PLACE THIS SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 13, 2015 AT THE CONNECTICUT NATIONAL GOLF CLUB IN PUTNAM, CT.   TEE TIMES WILL BEGIN AT 11:00 AM.  HOWEVER, THE DRIVING RANGE WILL HAVE FREE RANGE BALLS AVAILABLE FOR OUR LEAGUE PRIOR TO TEE OFF.  2 TEAMS OF 16 PLAYERS WILL BE SELECTED PRIOR TO THE 13TH AND EACH PLAYER WILL PLAY 2 – 9 HOLE MATCHES FOR HIS TEAM.  THE MATCHES ARE MATCH PLAY, BUT EACH GOLFER MUST ALSO PLAY OUT HIS BALL ON EVERY HOLE FOR THE INDIVIDUAL SCORING PORTION OF THE TOURNAMENT.  WE WILL HAVE CLOSEST TO THE PINS FOR EACH DIVISION ON THE PAR 3s.    THERE WILL ALSO BE A SKILLS COMPETITION AFTER THE ROUND IN THE FOLLOWING AREAS:  1) LONGEST DRIVE;   2)  PUTTING;  3)  GREEN SIDE BUNKER;                                 4)  SHORT IRON SHOT – 70-80 YDS.

APPETIZERS WILL BE AVAILABLE AFTER THE ROUND AND  A BUFFET DINNER (PRIME RIB, CHICKEN, POTATOES, VEGETABLE AND DESSERT WILL FOLLOW THE SKILLS COMPETITION.  ALL DRINKS ARE THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE INDIVIDUAL GOLFER.  

ALSO!  ALSO!  ALSO!  ALSO!  THE YEAR ENDING LEAGUE BANQUET WHERE ALL PRIZES AND AWARDS WILL BE DISTRIBUTED WILL TAKE PLACE ON WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 2015 AT 6:30 PM, AT THE KELLY GAZZERO VFW POST ON PLAINFIELD  STREET IN CRANSTON.  A BUFFET DINNER AND DRINKS ON THE LEAGUE WILL BE AVAILABLE TO ALL.  IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS, CALL (255-3478) OR E-MAIL (SPLACELLA@COX.NET) STEVE  PLACELLA. 

 

PLAYOFF RESULTS OF AUGUST 27, 2015

THE PLAYOFF SEMI-FINALS TOOK PLACE THIS PAST THURSDAY WITH A TEAM QUOTA AND THE RESULTS ARE AS FOLLOWS:

“A” DIVISION:    WARDICK/PLACELLA  +9  DEFEAT HARRINGTON +4

                                CASTIGLIEGO  +4   DEFEATS  JOHNSON  +4  (#1 Handicap Hole #6 Castigliego scored a 5 to Johnson’s 6)

“A”  DIVISION PLAYOFF FINALS WILL TAKE PLACE ON THURSDAY SEPTEMBER  3, 2015

             WARDICK/PLACELLA   vs    CASTIGLIEGO/SHERMAN

 

“B”  DIVISION:     MEIKLE/PANOS  +5   DEFEAT   MOLIS/BATTISTA   0

                                    ANDERSON  +3   DEFEATS   D. GELSOMINO  +1

 

“B”  DIVISION  PLAYOFF FINALS WILL TAKE PLACE ON THRUSDAY  SEPTEMBER 3, 2015

              MEIKLE/PANOS  vs  ANDERSON

 

LOSER’S  QUOTA  TOURNAMENT  AUGUST 27, 2015

DAN DEQUATTRO  +14,  JIM HUNTER  +9,  PAUL VOLPE +9,  BOB MORETTI  +7,  BILL GELSOMINO +7,   RICK  GUERRA  +5,  DENNIS RYAN  +4

ON THURSDAY,  SEPTEMBER  3,  2015  THERE  WILL  AGAIN  BE  A  SEPARATE  TOURNAMENT  FOR

ALL GOLFERS WHO ARE NO LONGER IN THE PLAYOFFS.   THE FORMAT FOR THIS TOURNAMENT

WILL  BE  DETERMINED  AT  A  LATER  TIME  AND  WILL  BE  E-MAILED  TO  ALL  LEAGUE 

MEMBERS  PRIOR  TO  THURSDAY!!!