Week #12 Highlights

Ken Mason had the round of the week shooting an even par 35 On Triggs’ front 9.  Ken lit it up by making birdies on 3 of the first 7 holes  as he was 2 under heading to the easy 8th hole.  Unfortunately Ken hit an errant drive on #8,  losing it in the process and stumbled with a double bogey 6.  He finished up with a par on #9 for his even par 35.  Ken cruised to a 7-3 win in his match  with the befuddled Steve Placella.



Vin LaFazia, sporting 3 bites of candy from Bill Gelsomino, rolled over the Gelly man in last Thursday’s match.  Additionally, Dan Deinzer, playing Gelly as a replacement for Jim Hunter and getting 4 bumps,  slapped Gelly around for a 1 point victory.  Lafazia was all smiles at the end of the match while Gelly went off to look for the Statman and Handicap Guru, Steve Richtarik.

Week #11 Match of the Week

Matches of the Week –  Vin LaFazia’s league leading team of “maggots”  faces off against the 3rd place team of Gelsomino’s “Gelly Boys” .  The light hitting Gelsomino will be taking on that cranky maggot himself, Vin LaFazia.  Both of these bums always bring their “A” games to important matches.  Lafazia should be getting a couple of strokes which should make Mr. Gelly very, very irritable.  Gelsomino, due to the prolonged absence of his partner, Jim “Guinea Slayer” Hunter, will also be taking on Dan “the Buffalo Boy” Deinzer.  Gelly will be giving a boatload of strokes in this one.  Unless he lets his emotions get in the way, look for Dan to pull this one out on strokes alone.  It is a sure bet that Gelly will key the “Statman’s league issued Lexis automobile after the matches.

Jim Meikle, a proud member of the maggots, will take on Bob Moretti of the Gelly boys.  Meikle who should be getting a couple of strokes in this one is among the league leaders in points earned in his division.  Bob Moretti needs to be in top form to overcome the candy provided to Meikle.

Soft spoken Ernie Panos, another maggot, will take on Rick Guerra, one of the Gelly Boys.   It sure is curious how things work out.  Guerra, now a Gelly Boy,  blames Vin LaFazia for ruining his game two years ago when he was Lafazia’s partner.  Panos, a maggot, has been the only student in Gelly’s so-called golf school.  Word is that Panos was very upset with Gelly when photo’s leaked recently on TMZ of Gelly wooing and providing golf instruction to an unnamed golfer in Myrtle Beach, SC.  On good information, TMZ has reported that Panos is now using  his Gelly Golf School logo shirt as a bed for his pet gerble…

Week #10 Matches of the Week

Match of the Week:   Bill Gelsomino  vs.  John LaFazia and Bob Johnson  -  In a battle of the 2 top teams, Bill “150 down the middle” Gelsomino will face off against “Baby Face” John LaFazia and “Gentleman” Bob Johnson in a threesome.  Gelly’s panties will certainly be bunched up as he will probably be giving “Baby Face” John, 3 strokes and “Gentleman” Bob, 2 strokes.  I am sure that Steve “Statman” Richtarik, the league handicap guru, will be getting an ear full from Gelly, both before and after the match.  In this match, due to John’s prodigious length, Gelly will only see John on the tee and at at the green.  Bob Johnson, always the gentleman, has indicated that he will hit only irons off the tee so that Gelly won’t be lonely.  Bill Gel should be smiling throughout this match.  Why you say?  Word is that Gelly has always liked a good threesome.  Prediction:  Gelly rolls both of them.   His game has been too consistent of late.

Match of the Week:   Bob Battista  vs.  Bob Moretti  -  This should be a great match.  Rookie, Bob Battista, has earned the second most points in his division so far this year.  Bob Moretti has put up some low scores, but his point total, until last week, hasn’t recently reflected that.  Bob M will be giving probably at least 3 or 4 strokes to Bob B and that may ultimately be the deciding factor.  Prediction:  If Bob Battista gets 4 strokes, he will take Bob Moretti to the wood shed in this one.  Bob Moretti can’t be consistent enough to overcome Bob Battista’s candy at 4.  If Battista gets only 2 or 3 strokes, then the match is on .  My suggestions is for Bob Moretti to wash and wax Steve Richtarik’s car and fill it up with gas prior to the match. 

Week #8 Team Texas Scramble (Gelsomino Open)

This Thursday, June 17th,  marks the half way point in our match play season.  The league is taking a break from its individual match play schedule and will be holding a “team”  Texas Scramble Tournament on Thursday.  As you may already know, the format will be as follows:  Each player hits their drive or 1st shot on each hole.  The team captain then selects which drive or 1st shot is to be used by all in your group.  Each player then plays his own ball in from the position of the selected 1st drive or shot.  Note:  Each player’s drive or 1st shot must be used at least once during the 9 hole round.  You must put your ball into the cup.  No gimmees.   Then record the lowest score of a player in your group.  No handicaps will be used.  Obviously, all teams must play as a foursome or less depending upon the number of players from their team that show.  Bill Gelsomino will be collecting $2.00 from each player and the league will match the amount as a prize for the winning team to be distributed to them on week #8.

Team & Individual First Half Leaderboard

Team 1st Place:  Bob Johnson, John LaFazia, Joe Molis & Bob Battista    127.5 points

Note: the team of Bill Gelsomino, Jim Hunter, Bob Moretti and Rick Guerra, after leading the league pack for virtually all of the first half of the season, succumbed to the relentless charge of Bob Johnson’s group of Johnsons on the last week of the season’s half way point.  The Johnsons garnered 20 points on that final week while the Gelly Boys could only muster a mere 13.5 points.  As a result, the Johnsons slipped into 1st place.  After Gelsomino’s poor showing last Thursday (3.5 points), partner, Jim Hunter, has been telling all that it’s time for a change in leadership and that he is now the captain of this motley crew.  I anticipate that he will come up with a new team name as he said that he always thought that the name, “Gelly Boys”, sounded a bit feminine for such a tough bunch.  More on this later….

Johnson’s Johnsons – With the exception of week #3, each and every one of the Johnsons have been consistent point earners for the team with all earning substantial points on a weekly basis when needed.  Lately, all of them have been riding a hot streak as they gained 10.5 points on the Gelly Boys over the past two weeks.

Individual Points Leaderboard -  A Division -  Bill Gelsomino  42.0;  Jim Hunter   41.5;   Vin Lafazia  36.6;  Dan DeQuattro  34.5;  Ken Mason  33.5.

B Division -  Bob Battista  40.0;  Chris Anderson  39.5;   Joe Molis  38.0;   Dennis Ryan  37.0;  Jim Meikle  36.0.

Closest to the Pin Winners:  Week #6:   “A ” – Jim Hunter – hole #7;    “B”  – Mike Taveras – hole #4

Week #7:   “A”  – Bob Johnson – hole #12;   “B”  – Garry  Reilly – hole #14

Eagles:  Week #7:   Dan Deinzer – hole #10  and Joe Molis – hole #15

Each of the closest to the pin winners and the eagle makers win a sleeve of golf balls.


Matches of the Week #7 June 11, 2015

Match #1:  Jim “Guinea Slayer” Hunter  v.  Steve “I used to run this league” Placella  -  The Guinea Slayer has been riding roughshod over the league’s “Eyetalian” community for some time now.  So far this year, Hunter has defeated each and every league member of Italian heritage that he has faced in competition; week #1 – Paul Volpe “Dead!”  week #2 – Paul DeMasi “Dead!”  week #3 the kid, John LaFazia “Dead!”  week #4  the kid’s old man, Vin LaFazia “Dead!”  week #6  Steve “Statman” Richtarik (his mother is of Italian descent) “Dead!”.   At the end of each of these matches, Hunter has been heard to say to anyone within earshot, “Who’s next?”   It all ends Thursday night!!!   Placella will be battling the “Slayer” for all that is right and just in the Thong League.   Harkening back to the days when his ancestors were slighted with name changes and taunts upon their arrival to Ellis Island, Placella has vowed that he will destroy Hunter in this match so that he can no longer be called the “Guinea Slayer”.  Placella, who has been fasting and training for this match,  will be bringing his garlic necklace, giving  Hunter the  “Malok”, and will have a host of other surprises for Hunter in their match.   The “Guinea Slayer’s” reign will end Thursday night.   Prediction:  Hunter the Guinea Slayer – DEAD!!!

Match #2:  Jim “Slick” Wardick  v.  Bill “150 down the middle” Gelsomino -  These two beauties have been battling each other for a while now.  I am not sure who even won their last match, but I am sure that one or the  other of them will surely tell you in short order.  First off, Gelly’s consistently low scores have eluded him this past week and he is now on his 4th swing change and 6th grip change just this season.  This past week he has been wearing out the mat in his garage by hitting thousands of balls into it.  Word is that he has yet to find a satisfactory solution to his problems.  Gelsomino, who wants to win the coveted Thong League “best dressed” award this year and accordingly is always dressed to the nines on the course,  was heard to say to his teammate, Jim Hunter, “Somebody better tell that bum, Wardick, that he better dress for our match!  I won’t tolerate him coming in here looking less than professional!”  Wardick, who apparently was told of Gelsomino’s comments, was looking for the trash barrel nearest to the 10th tee so that he could deposit Gelly into it head first.  Hunter, who thinks he is the real captain of the Gelsomino team, is having several barrels placed in close proximity to the 10th tee.  Wardick has been working diligently on his game in order to cash in on the summer member guest matches at Alpine.  With his handicap soaring, he feels that the unsuspecting Alpine CC members and Gelsomino will be easy pickens in any match.  Look for Wardick to smack Gelly in a close one.  Prediction:  Wardick in by a whisker!

Matches of the Week #6 June 4, 2015

Bill  ”150 yds down the middle”  Gelsomino    v.    John  ”G-String”  Graham:    Bill Gelsomino has been on fire lately and leading his team to the top of the Thong League heap.  John Graham, still recovering from shoulder surgery,  has been inching his way back to top form.  However, his short game still lacks consistency and that has helped keep his team at or near the Thong League basement.  Graham has divulged that he and his good looking, but diminutive caddie, Robert,  will have some surprises in store for Mr. Gelly.  Those surprises may be any of the following:   1)  Robert the caddie pilfering Gelsomino’s golf balls, 2) Robert the caddie relieving himself on Gelsomino’s golf balls and/or  3) Robert the caddie driving over Gelsomino or his golf ball with the golf cart.  Prediction –  G-String and Robert the caddie  take down Gelly.


Steve  ”Statman”  Richtarik    v.    Jim “Guinea Slayer”  Hunter:     Word is that the Statman will be taking away all of the Guinea Slayer’s candy for this match.  So it is a good and safe bet that  for the first time in a long time, Hunter will be giving strokes and not getting any.  It is also a good and safe bet that the Guinea Slayer will be trying to ply the lightweight Statman with as much liquor as the Triggs’ cart girl can serve.  Hunter, however, shouldn’t be fooled by the lack of a vowel at the end of the Statman’s last name.  The Statman, is of course, 50% Italian on his mother’s side and has vowed to put out his own version of a “hit” on the Guinea Slayer.  Prediction – The Statman takes out the Guinea Slayer in a close match.

Matches of the Week #4 – May 28, 2015

Ken Mason v. Jim Wardick –  This match should be a doozy!!   Wardick’s ego is still bruised and battered over the drubbing that he absorbed from Mason way back in week #1 of 2014.  Of course the fact that Wardick was giving Mason  4 strokes at the time hasn’t softened the blow (PS-Wardick still blames the “Statman”, Steve Richtarik, for sacrificing him in that match, but more on that later).  The quiet Mason, who has yet to see his game blossom this year, has stated to other league members that Wardick’s  pronouncements that he s the “long hitter” in the league,  is a joke and has vowed to show the entire league that Wardick is just a “slap hitter” in their long drive competition.  Wardick on the  other hand, has been preparing for this match for a year now.  He has been bulking up for the entire year in order to give him the “fitness” edge in this predictably grueling match.  Wardick has stated that he needs to play angry in order to excel.  In fact, he has been rooming with “Smiling” Joe Molis this past week in order to soak in the angry ambiance.  Prediction – Wardick channels his inner angryman and bounces Mason like a fat lady on a trampoline. 

Bob Moretti  v.  Kevin Lawrence - This match will pit gentleman against gentleman, a rarity in Thong League match annals.  Both Bob and Kevin have excelled in  match play format and have been consistent point earners for their various teams over the years.  Bob and Kevin have also been known to grind out their matches in a very deliberate manner.  Kevin stated that he will not let Bob’s delaying tactics get to him.   Kevin is determined to slow his game down and put this match in the freezer from the 10th hole on.   Kevin was overheard telling another league member that his strategy is to use the “four corners offense”  in order to slow down Bob’s racehorse style of play.   Bob, on the other hand, has vowed to not let Kevin  ”one up” him in their match and will “take his time” before each shot.   For this match, the league has requested that all other league members upon completion of their matches,  park their cars with headlights on, along hole #s 16 through 18 in order to guide Bob and Kevin’s crawl to the clubhouse.  Predicition – Moretti ekes it out in in the dark of night.

The Guinea Slayer Watch – Jim “Guinea Slayer” Hunter is now 3 and 0  in his matches this year against league “Eyetalians”.   He first thumped Paul Volpe in week #1 and then destroyed John Lafazia in week #3.  Upon the completion of that match, Hunter began to tell all within earshot, “I crushed the kid, now bring on his old man!  I am going to kick his ass next!”.   Sure enough, in week #4, Hunter faced off against John’s old man, Vin “Maggott”  LaFazia.  True to his word, Hunter polished off the old man in a close match.  During the next two weeks (match weeks 5 & 6), Hunter has a vacation so to speak, from his “Eyetalian” opponents.  Hunter, who is of English and Scottish descent, among other mongrel things, will first face off in week #5 against rookie, Doug Sherman, also of English and Scottish descent, among other mongrel things.  Sherman has already played in a foursome with Hunter and has been Hunterized.  In fact, during their match, they will probably find out that they are somehow related to each other.  Hunter’s match in week #6 against Steve “Statman” Richtarik should bring a few fireworks.  First off, Hunter gets his panties in a bunch each week  as he thinks the “Statman” is screwing him in the handicap area.  Some of the older league members will recall that when Hunter last played in the league, he had his Dominican posse pay a visit to the Statman’s home and that the visit resulted in an increase in Hunter’s handicap for the rest of the year.  This year however, with the Dominican posse no longer a threat, “Statman” is feeling his oats and has assured all that Hunter will be giving strokes in their match.  Hunter’s next chance to keep his “Guinea Slayer” streak going will be in week #7 against Steve Placella, former league dictator.  More on that later…

Guess Who???

League Member     The first league member to correctly guess which league member is depicted in the photograph will win a sleeve of golf balls!!!

      Hint!!!!!    “Some featutres never change.”



Matches of the Week – Week #1 – The Season Begins this Thursday, April 30, 2015



Two matches scheduled for the 1st week of play stand out among all the rest.  Here they are.

Jim “Guinea Slayer” Hunter  v  Paul Volpe   –  Hunter, whose game has been on ice for a year or so will be taking on the young and affable rookie, Paul Volpe and yes, yet another “Eyetalian”.   Hunter has vowed to put a “hit” on each and every “Eyetalian”  that he faces this year and Paul is the first in his sights.  Word is that the Triggs cart beverage staff has been tripled for Thursday Night play in order to handle the increased demand due to Hunter’s return to play.  Volpe, a physical therapist,   has said that his body is his temple and will be on the straight and narrow during the match.  Here’s betting that Hunter has Paul a bit tipsy by the 4th hole.  Some advice to Paul:  Call your wife and have her waiting to drive you home after the match.    The Editor’s Pick  -  None – too little information to make a pick.


Vin “Maggott” LaFazia  v  Steve “Statman” Richtarik  –  This match will be very interesting.  The aging Lafazia, who has been susceptible to injuries over the past few years, has been honing his game in the Florida warmth over the past 2 weeks and should be in top form.  The “Statman” is already whining about his cough, cold, bronchitis, pneumonia, hemmoroids, whatever, as an excuse.  Lafazia was a bit upset when Richtarik denigrated Vin’s coveted veteran status when Richtarik was heard to say that “LaFazia looks like he was a veteran of 20 years at the all you can eat Home Town Buffet.”    Also, don’t forget that Richtarik is the handicap guru of the league so it is a foregone conclusion that LaFazia will be giving strokes and Richtarik will be happily getting them in this match.  The real question is how many strokes?         Editor’s Pick  - Vin “Maggott” LaFazia.