2017 Thursday Night Thong League Golf

The opening dinner for this year’s golf league is scheduled for Thursday, April 6, 2017 @ 6:30 pm at the Kelley Gazzerro VFW Post, Plainfield Pike, Cranston, RI.

At this time, league dues ($160.00) will be collected, teams will be selected and the league format and rules will be discussed.

Dinner and Drinks on the league will be served…

Thong League Florida Golf Trip Results

Well, the 17th annual Florida Golf Trip is now in the books.  This year’s designated team names were the “Mostly Dwarfs”  and the “Mostly Giants”.  The selection of the teams was a small bastardization of  Eddie DiMartino’s original, drunken  idea to select the teams by height alone.  Actually this was done where all but three of the “Mostly Dwarfs” were 5’7″  (mostly Italians and Portuguese descent) or under and the “Mostly Giants” were taller than 5’8″, except for a couple of  wee ones.

The results were much the same as in the past.  The Dwarfs danced and pranced all over the heavy footed giants and scooted out to a 14 to 4 point lead after the first day of matches.   Later that evening, the beleagured captain of the Giants, Jim “Slick” Wardick, gave his “team” an impassioned speech in order to spur them to victory during the 2nd day of matches.  Unfortunately, the 2nd day was more of the same as the Dwarfs doubled up their lead and moon walked across the 18th green after the 2nd day with an insurmountable 28 to 8 point lead.  Once again that evening, the now maniacal captain “Slick”, now resorted to threatening to physically hurt the under performing members of his “team” if they didn’t perform better  during the 3rd day of matches..

Day three began with Walt Geer benevolently offering to double all day 3 points in order to give the “Mostly Giants”  a shot at closing the gap. Captain Slick snapped up the offer and close the gap they did.  At the end of the day, the cumulative score had been narrowed to 40-32, but still in favor of the “Mostly Dwarfs”.   A witness to the “Mostly Giants” pre-game meeting disclosed that maniacal captain “Slick” Wardick had abandoned his physical threats to his team and instead, told his team that if they didn’t close the gap on day 3, he would be sending them all home and was bringing in replacement players for day 4.   Apparently the threats worked as the “Mostly Giants”  responded and gave them a fighting chance for the Thong Cup with a substantial rally on day 4.

Unfortunately, day 4 saw the “Mostly Dwarfs” stomp the “Mostly Giants” and once again run away with the Thong Cup.  Captain Tony Amaral, was the biggest Dwarf of all as he did not lose a match.  Amaral was also caught on video calling out the  Captain of the “Mostly Giants”, Slick Wardick.  Amaral made good on his call out as well.  As soon as the Thong League tech gurus can figure out how to post them on this site, they will be here for all to see.

Once again, many thanks to the Buffalo Boys as they excelled in putting on a great spread for all on Monday evening.  They never disappoint.   May the holiday season and Santa bring them the speedy dismissal of Rex Ryan and his brother from that titanic known as the Buffalo Bills.

Here are some more Christmas gifts and wishes from the Thong League to some of our members:

To Jim “Slick” Wardick – a 152 week course in team management (emphasis on how to handle your underlings and how to handle those who fail or disagree with you) taught by none other than Donald Trump.   Given the Slickster’s track record as captain of his team (1 win in 12 attempts), he would have been the 1st person kicked off The Apprentice.

To Frank “the merry clipster” Fezzuoglio -  a calculator to help tabulate your score.

To Nick and Vinnie Masi – a vision of your brother in law, Frank, coming down the chimney, dressed as Papa Natale and wearing a huge smile on his face and of course, extra batteries for Frank’s calculator.

To Walt “the perpetual martini” Geer – a year off in 2017 from any golf related administrative responsibilities when on this trip – no captaincy, no score input duties, no determining winners and losers each day and no figuring  money payouts.  Just pure golf, booze and cigarettes.  You’ve earned it.  Maybe then you can earn some room money!

To Tony  “the Codfather” Amaral – an accurate GHIN handicap index.

To Al “your f*%king me” Ferreira – yet another accurate GHIN handicap index and some whine to go with your cheese.

To Dan “Pretty Boy” DeQuattro – a full year’s collection of salves, creams, gells, razors and the boat load of man scape items that only the “Pretty Boy” can own and use.  Oh and of course, an apology from Slick.

To Joe “Smilin Joe” Molis - a 52 week anger management course co-taught by none other than Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin that will have special focus on “how to properly react when you feel threatened, insulted or dissed”.

To Dave “the brother with the personality” Holder -  a hall pass to come back yet again next year with your buds and play from the elderly tees and of course,  a year or more of smiles and keeping it light at home.

To Tom “my name isn’t Walter” Hebert – yet another year of Jack’s friendship and the ability to stop “your friends” from telling your wife that you made much more money than you actually did in Florida.

To Jack “I’m finally retired” Harrington – an oversized freezer that will hold as many heads as you can possibly imagine.

To Ed “can you rub me right here” DiMartino -  Another year of drunken golf trip suggestions and a perpetual golf partner that will voluntarily rub you on demand.  And yes, you are a Dwarf!!

To Dan “the Lobsterfest” Deinzer – that the generosity and friendship that you have always given,  be given back to you 10 times over and or course, that you receive some whine with your cheese.

Ray “oops I said it again” Castigliego – the ability to occasionally hold your tongue and Paul Verrecchia as your perpetual bodyguard and conscience.

Paul “I’ve retired 4 times” Verrecchia – Enough bullets to properly protect Ray.

Joe “I’m retired at 49″ Ahrens – the health and ability to play 160 rounds of golf next year and the new idol to many of us who are still working.

Dave “pass that one more time” Deinzer – 160 rounds of golf with Joe and the good life in retirement.

Al “I’ve got a suggestion” Belair – the ability to properly run this Florida tournament as Walt Geer relinquishes the reins that he has often held in a death grip.

Ken “I’m speechless” Norigian - an alarm clock and a 4 hour round of golf.

Keith “I’ll have another scotch” Beck – a new  roommate or certainly one with an alarm clock.

Ernie Ricci – a son in law with an alarm clock.

Dave “I thought I was a co-captain” Vinacco – the ability to have some input into Slick’s maniacal decisions.

Allen “I didn”t lick that plate” Manguson – a year’s supply of fresh, hot Krispy Crème donuts, a year knowing that you squished Mr. G-string in your match and a pass to return next year.

Stan “Stosh” Geer –   a year’s supply of air freshener to clear the air around your ass, another year of daily calls from Mr. G-string and a pass to return next year.

John “G-string” Graham – a year of good health and retirement, 160 rounds of golf, the continued ability to make birdies on demand and of course, a year where he can finally break out of his shell and feel comfortable busting balls and being the center of attention.

Steve “the Commish” Placella – a year where he can finally fit into a medium shirt, the ability to play more than 14 half-way decent holes in an 18 hole round, and of course, the ability to counter John G-String’s ball busting.

And of course great thoughts about our dear friends – Bill Lonardo and George Benjamin.  You are in our thoughts.

Finally, in the words of Papa Natale, MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!







All in all, it was a great week of golf, great weather, humor  and friendship.  See you all next year!!!

The Thong League is Heading to Florida

7   DAYS AND COUNTING …………………………………..   ORLANDO HERE WE COME!!!!

Thong Cup Finale


See all the results from the Thursday Night Thong League including the Tournament Match results and the Individual Tournament Results.  Just click to to enlarge

2016 Thong League ResultsTournament Match Results Front 9Tournament Match Results Back 9Tournament Individual Results

Playoff Finals Thursday September 8th

A  Division Finals   

Gus  Delfarno  v  Steve Placella

Joe  Molis  v  Jack Harrington

B  Division Finals

Nick Guadagno  v  Paul Autiello

Note:  Both Bob Maresca and Frank Mariano are unavailable so Nick Guadagno and Paul Autiello will play the only “B” match.

All golfers from our league are welcome to come and play as well on Thursday!!!

Remember!!!  League Tournament on Saturday September 10th at Ct National Golf Club

Tee times begin at 10:40 am; Range balls are free; skills competition after the round; Apps and Dinner after the round at the golf course.  Check this website and click on the “LEAGUE TOURNAMENT”  tab.

By the way, 3 league members, Paul Volpe, Bob Masello and Nick Guadagno are all anxiously awaiting the birth of their first born children.  Let’s all say a prayer for great health for the moms and babies.  Also, Paul Volpe’s clubs are now for sale at a very, very discounted price.  He will no longer have any use for them.  Ditto for Bob Masello who is just giving his away.  Nick Guadagno’s father in law, none other than Paul Autiello, took Nick’s clubs and won’t give them back to him for the next 15 years or so!!  Good luck to all and enjoy fatherhood!!

1st Round Playoff Results (August 25)

A DivisionB Division


Congratulations to the team of Ken Mason, Mark Zito, Ken Norigian and Bill Iannotti for finishing in 2nd place in the regular season 2016 Thursday Night Thong League!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mason’s Mutts made a valiant effort in the one match playoff for league supremacy.  However, their best efforts fell just short.  The Mutts’  opponents, led by their A2 division player who played a near perfect round (38) and their B2 division player, who, playing his match as well as the match of his B1 division absent partner, smoked their competition.  The Mutts’ A1 opponent once again couldn’t get the job done for his team as he choked on the final hole and lost his match to A1 division point leader, Ken Mason.

More on these matches and the first round of the playoffs to follow…….

Final Week of Matches

Here we are at week #14 and the team standings are very, very close.  The Mason’s “Mutts” are leading Graham’s  “Girlymen”  by a mere 1/2 point at this stage of play.   Ken Mason’s crew, with he and Bill Iannotti each  leading his own division in points earned, have some tough matches this Thursday.  Mason and Mark Zito will either be playing Joe Molis and Gus Delfarno, respectively, or if Delfarno is his usual “no show”, both will be playing Molis.  Molis has vowed to destroy anyone in his way to the league individual points and MVP championships.  Mason responded that he “would crush Molis like the bug that he is”.  Bill Iannotti will be playing newcomer, Frank Mariano, a strong player in his division while Ken Norigian will take on rookie, Paul Autiello in a tough match.  Ken has vowed to talk Paul into submission during their match.  John Graham is playing against his out of league match partner, Fran Chatelle.  Fran will be sporting some new duds as he just scoffed at Graham’s outfit of last week.  Fran has been snake bit of late as he feels that all of his opponents play their best against him.  Let’s see what happens.  Abdullah LaFazia, now clean shaven and using his birth name of John, will be playing none other that Bill “Gelly” Gelsomino who has had a rough year in match play.  Long hitting John will probably only see Gelly on the tees and greens on all of the par 4s and 5s.  Gelly has been practicing all week and has has privately told close friends that he is going to “take out” that kid.  ” I’m the king of this league”.  In the other Graham matches, Nick Guadagno, a rookie with a bundle of points, will be taking on the underperforming and limoncello, aficionado, Bob Brown.  Also, newcomer, Bob Maresca, no slouch in the point department, will be taking on the oft volatile, Ernie Panos.  It looks like Panos’ fascination with Gelly’s Golf School is about over, as his game has suffered all season long.

Matches of the Week #13

‘Smilin Joe’ Molis  v  Dan ‘Pretty Boy’ DeQuattro -  This will be a great match between two close friends and roommates on our Florida Golf Trip who know each other “intimately”.  Each who would like nothing more than to beat the other’s head in on the course.  ’Smilin Joe’ has moved up to the A2 Division and has bulldozed his way through the entire league this year and consequently, has just about wrapped up the league individual point championship.  ‘Pretty Boy’ Dan stands in the way and when he is on his game, is as tough a match as there is in the league.  The real question here is whether Joe will, once again tap dance inside Dan’s head throughout the match.  If he does, then the match will be over by the 6th hole.  Last week as he was leaving the golf course, ‘Smilin Joe’ was heard to say about his upcoming match with ‘Pretty Boy’, ”I’m going to squash that hairless wonder.  I will be inside his head early and will not let up. He is no match for me”.   Dan’s response was as follows, “F#*k him!  I’m going to smoke that pr*#k”!  Dan then headed off to his barber for a full body shave and then to the gym in an attempt to further reduce his body fat to 3%.   Prediction – ‘Pretty Boy’ in a close upset over ‘Smilin Joe’ 


Steve “El Presidente” Placella  v.  John “G-String” Graham – Placella, who has been working out at the gym daily with Vin LaFazia, will bring his well chiseled body to the 1st tee this week ready for all of ‘G=String’s’ tricks.  The best man at Graham’s most recent wedding to the talented and beautiful, Lisa Arruda Graham,  Placella has been urging Mrs. Graham to end the marriage  by forcefully and with a quick upward thrust, inserting an ice pick into ‘G-String’s’ ear canal while he is sleeping.  The quiet and low key Graham, who, as a result, now sleeps with one eye open, is a new retiree from the state’s workforce.  As a result, he has his golf game in full gear, playing several times per week.   Placella says that he has a strategy in place to bring down the diminutive but still chubby Graham.  “I’m going to wear my earphones and not respond to his ongoing insults and disruptions.  I’m going to take that hairless little bastard down so hard that he will beg for the ice  pick”!   Graham, who has suffered a hearing loss in the workplace, in response once again turned to Vin LaFazia, another hearing loss casualty and asked, “What did that fat jerk say”?   LaFazia’s response, “What”.   Graham asked LaFazia again, “What did that fat jerk say”?  LaFazia once again responded, “What”?   Graham then disgustedly waved off LaFazia and waddled off.   Graham, when asked about his own strategy for the match, revealed only parts of his plan as follows, “To start, I’m going to put pastrami sandwiches on the 1st, 2nd and 3rd tees.   That fat jerk won’t be able to resist and as a result, he will be falling asleep by the 5th hole.  Also, every time I hit a lob wedge 150 yards, I’m going to walk by his fat face, show him the ‘L’ on the wedge and say ‘Lob Wedge’.  Finally, over the past week, in order to increase that fat jerk’s appetite and with the full cooperation of  his vengeful, intelligent and beautiful wife, Cindy, ‘weed’  has been inserted into his sleep apnea mask while he sleeps at night”.   Word is that Mr. ’G-String’  has other tricks up his sleeve as well. - Prediction – Who knows and who cares.

Matches of the Week #12



John “G-string” Graham  v.  Joe “Smilin’ Joe” MolisThis should be a doozy of a match.  Graham has been playing well of late and both his team and he individually are pushing the divisional leaders for league supremacy.  Smilin’ Joe  has been a virtual buzz saw all season long as he has taken on all comers in the “A” division and has sent them packing with a boot in the behind.  Ever humble, Joe said for all that were in earshot, “It’s amazing that each so-called “A” golfer  that I’ve played in this bogus league has succumbed to the relentless pressure that my game places on them and of course, to my winning personality”.  He also said for all to hear with regards to his match against John Graham, “I can’t wait to play that fat, hairless son of a bitch.  I know all of his tricks.  He’s a dead man”.   All Graham, who has suffered hearing loss as a result of his former very strenuous state position, could say was, “What did he say?”   Graham then turned to Vin “Maggott” Lafazia, no slouch in the hearing loss department, and asked him, “What did he say?”  LaFazia then turned to Graham and said, “What”?  Graham then repeated, “What did he say?”  LaFazia said again, “What”?  Graham then repeated, “What did he say?”  LaFazia then said…  WELL YOU GET THE PICTURE…  This should be a very, very, very volatile match.

Bob Moretti  v.  Jim McLaughlin - Bob and newcomer, Jim are each ranked #1 in the B1  & B2 individual standings respectively at this stage of the season.  While Jim ran off to an early lead in the individual points race and has led the division for  most of  the season, Bob has been on fire of late and caught and passed Jim Meikle a few weeks ago.  At present, both guys have earned 59 1/2 points so far and each is clinging to a two (2) point lead over his 2nd place divisional challenger.   Because both of these guys are gentlemen, I doubt if there will be any trash talking going on.  In fact, both of these guys are pretty quiet, so there may be no talking at all…  This will be a great match to watch.

Jim Meikle  v.  Tom “TO”  O’Hearn - Jim is in 2nd place in the B1 division and Tom is tied for 3rd in the B2 divisions.  While each has led his own division at varying times this year, each golfer comes into this match in a bit of a slump and looking a bit dazed and confused.  Meikle has yet to get settled after taking a week off and having no points awarded for that week and O’Hearn appears to have hit the wall over the last few weeks.   It seems that O’Hearn, a staunch Democrat and Hillary Clinton supporter, led his division for a good stretch this season.  Apparently, “TO”  didn’t like the view from the mountain top and has quickly slid down to a more comfortable 3-4 position in his division.  “TO”s mom,  a wonderful woman who is a devout Catholic of Itlalian descent, has taken out all of the stops for this match.  She has worn her rosary beads down to a nub, and has met with her local pastor, the Bishop and the Pope in order to get them on board with the “prayer train” for “TO”.  She has traveled near and far in search of a miracle for her bambino, “TO”.  Failing that, word is out that “TO”s mom is carrying an ice pick and has vowed to place it cleanly, quietly and with finality into the ear of any of “TO”s opponent.  Our investigators report that she may be disguised as “TO”s caddy this week.  So Jim, a word to the wise… If you see a short,  little old Italian lady adorned with rosary beads and lugging “TO” s bag from his car, stay in your own vehicle and forfeit the match.  This can only end badly for you….