Filed Under: News
Playoff Results: Dan “Pretty Boy” DeQuattro and his point machine partner, Garry Reilly, cruised to a playoff victory over the beleaguered Al Cotoia. Due to self appointed playoff commissioner, Bill Gelsomino’s crazy playoff formula, Cotoia was placed at a significant disadvantage in the finals when he had to play without his partner, Rick Guerra. Cotoia and Guerra who each took back to back two week trips to Italy causing the shorthanded team, were each heard to voice their complaints to Gelsomino in Italian and with a final one fingered salute hand gesture. For their playoff victory, each of the victors have won a personalized prize. “Pretty Boy” has won a year of free electrolosis and waxing at Francesco’s Salon in Johnston, RI. Francesco has indicated that he will personally apply the hot wax to Dan’s delicate areas. Garry, on the other hand, in keeping with his long held contention that the Thong League is screwing him is getting an empty envelope for his efforts.
TOURNAMENT RESULTS: Johnson’s Johnsons defeat LaFazia’s Lunatics 14 1/2 points to 11 1/2 points. In a hard fought match at the Alpine Country Club, Bob Johnson led his hard charging band of Johnsons to victory over Vin LaFazia’s Lunatics. The individual points earned by each player are listed in green.
The Closest to the Pin winners were as follows: Hole #12 – Slick Wardick; Hole #6 – Fran Chatelle; Hole #12 – Jim Meikle; Hole #15 – Mike Taveras
The Skin Winners were as follows: Steve Placella – Hole #2 – #5 Hdcp; Dennis Ryan #15 – #18 Hdcp (only birdie in “B” division)
The Skills Competition Winners were as follows: 60 Yard Shot: Bob Johnson – hole out; Longest Drive: Ken Mason – 312 yards; Putting Contest – Steve Richtarik; Greenside Bunker Shot: Al Cotoia
The results of the other matches are listed above.
League Regular Season Team Awards: 1st Place Team: Vin “Maggott” LaFazia & Bob Moretti; 2nd Place Team: Bill “Swing Change” Gelsomino & Andy “where’s my “A” partner” Constant;
3rd Place Team: Steve “Statman” Richtarik & George “the Buffalo Hunter” Benjamin
League Regular Season Individual Awards “A” Division: 1st Place Points: Ken Mason (71.5); 2nd Place Points: Bill Gelsomino (69); 3rd Place Points: Vin Lafazia (66)
League Regular Season Individual Awards “B” Division: 1st Place Points: Andy Constant (73); 2nd Place Points: George Benjamin (69); 3rd Place Points: Bob Moretti (68)
League Superlatives: Best Dressed; Fran Chatelle; Perfect Attendance: Ernie Panos
The league tournament scheduled for September 7, 2014 has been moved to the Alpine Country Club!!! Tee Time is 12:30 pm. Practice rang and putting green are available to our group prior to our round. Locker room and showers are available as well.
League Skills Competitions will take place immediately after the round.
Dinner consisting of 3 pasta stations, grilled pizza and calamari will follow the Skills Competition!!!
DEQUATTRO. and. REILLY Tag team AL. COTOIA and rolled to a playoff finals victory
Bill Gelsomino v. Steve Richtarik - This will match the top players from their teams in a battle over the last three weeks of the season for league supremacy. At present, very little separates these teams. You can bet that Steve “Statman” Richtarik, who wet his pants in a double match last week, will have a favorable handicap determination for this match. Gelsomino, who wouldn’t give strokes to a coprse, will be chafing over giving the long hitting “Statman” any candy in this one. Lucklily they will only see each other on the tees and greens as the wannabe long hitter Gelsomino will be hitting 3-4 longer clubs into the greens in this one.
Vin LaFazia v. Ray Castigliego – The slow moving LaFazia, who was unbeaten in league play until very recently, will take on the consistent Castigliego in an attempt to keep his team at the top of the league heap. Both players are very consistent and veterans of match play pressure. So this should be a very hard fought match.
George Benjamin v. Andy Constant – This match should be a doozy. Provided that the volatile and forgetful Benjamin gets delivered to the course on time by the RIDE van, George should be dropping F-bombs and lobbing clubs from the 10th to the 18th hole. George, who neither knows Andy’s name nor recognizes him as a member of the league, will be wondering why he doesn’t have a match this week. Andy, on the other hand, has recently succumbed to the pressures of match play and the unrelenting pressure from his captain, Bill Gelsomino. He has vowed to kick George’s “old, wrinkly ass” from one end of Triggs to the other. Andy, who considers himself the real “A” player of his team, is just itching to show Captain Gelly who is the real ace of the team.
One (1) person, male, not quite 50 years old. Likes to eat. No longer smokes. Great conversationalist. Not too ugly. Has gained weight. Has a very religious, Italian mother who will make food. Has tried his hand at golf for a number of years but has been forceably retired from the game. This offer comes with nearly new golf clubs, irons and driver. These clubs have never, ever, ever been hit on the sweet spot. There also might be a few Titleist Pro Vs or NXTs left in his bag but don’t count on it. They are probably lost with the rest of his balls. He may have other redeeming qualities but we really haven’t found any. All interested please send an e-mail.
Bill Gelsomino vs. Ken Mason - The brash, but short hitting, Bill Gelly has been on a streak lately. Much like Mohammed Ali in his early years, Gelly was telling all who would listen that he was going to destroy Slick Wardick last week. Guess what. He spanked the Slickster from one of Triggs to the other. Even the ghost of the long departed Donald Ross raised an eyebrow and took note. Now, Gelly who for weeks, has been calling out rookie phenom, Ken Mason, has his sights set firmly on Mason and their match this Thursday. Gelly’s party however, was spoiled last week as the extremely methodical Vin Lafazia handed Ken his first loss of the year. Gelly now wants to extend Ken’s losing streak and has not been shy about telling Ken. Ken to his credit has been closed lipped about the match. BUT, Thong League Privacy Violation Expert, John Graham, overheard Ken Mason tell another league member that “I am going to punish that fool”. In fact, Ken was heard to say that “that loudmouth’s grip is a joke, his setup is a joke and each of his recent 237 swing changes are all jokes”. “I am going to kick his old ass from hole #s 10 to 18! He is not even a has been. He is a wannabe has been!”
Slick Wardick vs. Bob Johnson - Another brash talking member of the Thong League feels he has a point to prove. That’s right! Slick Wardick, still reeling from an unprecedented ass kicking served up over 5 days in Florida this past November, has continued his rapid descent causing him to hit the ground with a loud thud after being clubbed into submission by Bill Gelly last week. In fact, Wardick was taken to the hospital for observation of concussive symptoms for taking too many blows to the head in their match. His opponent, none other than the gentleman, Bob Johnson. Bob has been on a recent tear lately never before seen in Thong League annals. His swing is smooth and his irons are accurate. Odds are that the only way Wardick will have a chance in this match is for him to try to intimidate the mild mannered, littleneck loving Johnson. Johnson has said that he is having none of Wardick’s thug tactics. Johnson said that “if I was tough enough to elbow Jim “the Guinea Slayer” Hunter away from the grilled littlenecks at Dan Deinzer’s Lobsterfest a couple of years ago, I can most certainly handle a “lightweight” like Wardick”.
DAN DEINZER’S ANNUAL LOBSTERFEST GOLF TOURNAMENT HAS BEEN SCHEDULED FOR SATURDAY, AUGUST 16, 2014. TEE TIMES WILL BEGIN AT 8:15 AM AT THE MEADOWBROOK GOLF COURSE IN RICHMOND, RI. THE COST OF THE GOLF AND CART IS $72.00 THAT EACH PARTICIPANT WILL PAY TO THE GOLF COURSE. AFTER GOLF WE WILL ALL TRAVEL TO DAN’S PLACE IN NARRAGANSETT. LET THE LOBSTERFEST BEGIN!!! LOBSTER, STUFFED QUOHOAGS AND LITTLE NECKS ON THE GRILL WITH BUTTER, CORN, SALAD AND PICKYS WILL BE THE FARE OF THE DAY. THE COST FOR THE FOOD IS $25.00 PER PERSON TO BE PAID TO DAN. EACH PERSON WILL BRING HIS OWN BEVERAGES, ALCOHOL OR OTHERWISE. THE GOLF TOURNAMENT FORMAT WILL BE DETERMNED WHEN WE KNOW THE LEVEL OF PARTICIPATION. SO PLEASE LET US KNOW IF YOU ARE IN OR OUT. REMEMBER, IF YOU COMMIT AND FAIL TO SHOW, YOU WILL STILL OWE DAN THE $25.00 AS HE HAD TO PURCHASE YOUR FOOD. IF YOU DO NOT EAT SEAFOOD, LET US KNOW AND DAN WILL HAVE A STEAK FOR YOU. WE HOPE TO SEE YOU ON AUGUST 16TH.
Match of the Week will be posted soon as well as a response to the “Statman’s” recent diatribe about his handicap fiefdom.